When He Just Wants You to Be Happy

This is a guest post by Anna Fox who writes at Not Your Mama’s Bible Study(From Peacefuwife- Thanks for the great post, Anna!)

When does a man go from what he is to what he isn’t in the mind of a woman?

Gary Thomas asked the question in the final Sacred Marriage DVD session. And I’ve seen those defeated men. Men who have faced going home where they didn’t measure up and decided to work a little overtime instead, pick up another hobby instead, stop for drinks with friends instead, accept the advances of a woman who praised him instead, done anything instead of going home.

Wasn’t it my own husband, so slow to anger, who finally threw up his hands and said, “I just want you to be happy!” And he didn’t mean for me to just laugh more, or smile all the time, or fake it. He meant for me to just take him for who he is. Be content. Consider what I have. Stop talking about what I don’t have.

I gotta’ admit, he stopped me in my tracks. I had this mile long list of things I wanted from him. I was ashamed. All he was asking was for me to be happy. It wasn’t dinner on the table when he walked in the door, or a cleaner house, or a better figure, or more sex, or any of the things I pushed myself to do. It was a way he wanted to see me live. I started that night with Proverbs. I read the whole book and marked every verse that talked about being happy. I had heard once, that another way to say “Blessed is” was “Happy is.” Proverbs has a lot of “Happy is” verses. I started memorizing them. I practiced.

Things started changing. I found that giving thanks for what IS, prohibits me from desiring what ISN’T. I went to bed one night and realized, God had changed me, was changing me. He had produced patience, where there had been impatience; peace where there had been fear; gentleness, where there had been ugliness; and self-control where there had been rage.

Suddenly I could appreciate what my husband IS. And he IS so much, I couldn’t care less about what he IS NOT.

Here is a post about discontentment for those who are interested – our true contentment is only found in Christ!

http://peacefulwife.com/2012/05/19/things-that-fuel-a-spirit-of-discontentment-in-me/

Here is a post about contentment

http://peacefulwife.com/2012/05/22/contentment-results-from-having-christ-as-lord-not-just-savior-in-my-life/

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3 Comments on “When He Just Wants You to Be Happy”

  1. ronfurg
    September 19, 2012 at 6:33 am #

    April — Thanks for posting this. It really stirs my thinking about the similarities and distinctions between happiness and contentment and peace and what it is that husbands most want for their wives. The difficulty arises for the husband in knowing what he can and cannot do to help his wife reach a happy or contented state — if he can do anything at all. My initial thought is that providing an atmosphere in the home conducive to happiness or contentment is an excellent start — though I’m sure that for some wives that wouldn’t do it. And then I remember Corrie Ten Boom and her sister Betsy who found peace in the horrendous conditions of the Ravensbrück Concentration Camp. So, surely, there is more to happiness than environment. Ultimately it seems that true happiness, contentment, and peace can come only as we become open to receive them as a gift of God’s marvelous grace.

    Like

    • peacefulwife
      September 19, 2012 at 7:42 am #

      Ronfurg,

      I agree that wives will have to find their ultimate contentment and peace in Christ alone. Once a wife has God’s joy – she will be much easier to please, because she’ll have His joy and peace regardless of circumstances. I think a huge issue in many marriages is that a wife has her husband or the marriage as an idol and expects him or the relationship to be totally responsible for her happiness. That is extremely unfair and an impossible expectation of another person! Only Christ can give us true contentment. But when we are content in Him, then our husbands will find it is actually possible to please us and any little efforts they make will be greatly appreciated.

      Thanks – great comment and insights!

      Like

  2. thegenhubby
    September 19, 2012 at 2:49 pm #

    Beautiful post, thanks! You clearly understand the heart of a loving husband for his bride, and I pray many women will be able to see the same through your words.

    Like

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