One Wife Reports in 30 Days into Her Journey
This wife is SO VERY PRECIOUS to me! We have spent a lot of time hashing through questions, issues, confusion and troubling emotions the past few weeks together. And I can see God at work so powerfully in her. I appreciate her willingness to share her story. I think her perspective might be extremely helpful to other wives who are just beginning their journey towards committing to obey God to respect and submit to their husbands. This is a LONG journey – a lifetime commitment to do things God’s way regardless of our feelings and regardless of our husbands’ response. First – God changes us. First, we have to be convicted of our own sin and then VERY BROKEN and humble. And this is HARD. It feels like contortion and goes against our own wisdom and the world’s wisdom diametrically. But thankfully, God often gives us little victories along the way. That is VERY helpful to keep up the motivation! Enjoy her story!
FROM A WIFE
I have finished Feminine Appeal. It was a good book. (From Peacefulwife – I LOVE that book!) I think the point that stuck out to me (thinking back on the argument my husband and I had a month ago over working/chores/housework that sent me searching the internet for help) was that God called WOMEN to be keepers of the home (Titus 2:5)… and to manage the home (1 Timothy 5:4). Not once did he command men to take care of a home. I had never thought about that before…. and he commanded men to work, not women (Genesis 3:17 and 1 Timothy 5:8). Now, I still believe it is wonderful for my husband to help me when I need help and he wants to but I also see that it is MY responsibility to care for our home. I am still working and plan to continue- but I work from home and can put in 1 hour or 100 so it is very flexible for me to work around my family and be available for them. I just had never really thought about what the bible said on that subject until it was brought to my attention through reading this book.
And I have done some clothes shopping in the last few weeks with modesty in mind (she had asked her husband about her wardrobe, and he asked her to dress more modestly recently) which meant I have been careful to choose tops that have higher necklines and skirts that have a longer hemline. I admit that it was a bit hard to bypass the sexy little tops but I keep remembering when my husband told me, “When you dress like that then you are advertising,” and I am not advertising! I am taken! By shopping for more modest clothing, it has gave me more of a sense of belonging to my husband, and made me feel closer to him. That may not make sense… I am not quite sure how to say what I mean… but I think you will get the point. It is a lovely feeling to know that he doesn’t want anyone else to see what belongs to him.
I am having good days and bad in my quest to follow God’s instructions for wives.
Once in the last week, my husband said something that hurt my feelings and I told him in very simple words. “You hurt my feelings when you said ______” and he immediately apologized. I was nervous that I would have to leave the room if he didn’t and then we might be not speaking for hours but thankfully he responded sweetly and I was happy that handling a minor conflict went easily and was over in the space of two sentances. (That will probably be most wives’ experience, that the more they practice respect and submission, the fewer and fewer conflicts there are, and they are much more easily resolved when they do happen!)
Also, although alot of this is NOT natural yet – it is getting to be very natural to say “Whatever you think”, “Whatever you think is best, sweetheart” and “I trust your decision” which is wonderful! I am thankful one part of this is becoming a part of me instead of such a stretch! Hopefully in time all of it will become more natural.
And though my husband has always been loving and used endearments when he speaks with me, he has started using terms of endearment I had not heard in a very long time. Pet names he had only been using extremely rarely are now almost daily occurances.
FROM PEACEFULWIFE:
This is a process. It is a lifetime commitment to obey God and seek Him first and do things His way. Our motives are because we long to please God – NOT because we want our husbands to love us more. It is REALLY important to have the right motives here or you will be stuck and very frustrated.
It takes time for God to change our hearts. This is not an instant thing. His power works in us – but we also must do a lot of hard work ourselves. You are welcome to share your story about learning to respect and submit to God and your husband! I’d love to share your story, too.
Let me know if you have questions – I will do my best to point you to Christ and His Word!
The Peaceful Wife 
April — Thanks for sharing this wife’s experience in being respectful. I was especially taken by her recognition of the role her dress plays in that regard. Good for her. Also interesting was her report regarding the return of endearments expressed by her husband. My bet is that words of affirmation are high on her “love language” list.
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Ronfurg,
I am really proud of her for listening to and honoring her husband’s request. THose little new loving things husbands do as wives learn respect and submission really help keep wives motivated! They are a blessing.
Thanks for your insights and comments!
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Thank you. That was great that you shared this. To see other women walking their journey in becoming the wives God has called us to be is so encouraging. I wanted to share with you that so far my in law’s visit has been going good. They have been so busy running around taking care of my brother in law and getting his apartment ready that they really haven’t had time to mess with me. lol..But I don’t think they want to anyways. They do seem sincerely happy and grateful for us helping my brother in law, Mike. We have done a lot of running around with them also, which they repeatedly share their gratitude for, which is so appreciated. Mike is not doing so well. He can barely move his arms without lots of pain. I do now feel bad for him. I wonder if now I can feel bad since I feel its not my burden any more. It’s embarrassing to admit that I may feel that way. I feel ashamed, but I have felt so taken advantaged of for weeks. His sense of entitlement just disgusted me and closed me down. I am normally very compassionate. But at least now I feel some relief and I don’t mind helping any more because it’s my choice, not someone else putting it on me. My husband has been doing great with me. Thank you Jesus. He has been trying, for the most part, to make sure that boundaries aren’t crossed-which is very hard for him to do. He has a hard time standing up to his parents, when he does his dad takes it so personal. I get the impression he doesn’t really think my husband is a Christian because he makes good money and is a business man. He always say comments like you can’t serve God and money. We know that and we don’t, my husband doesn’t. My husband is the most giving man I know personally, not just with his resources but with his talents and time-if it’s needed of him. We have come so far in our lives. We believe that he is anointed for business to bring glory to God in that world. We also believe the resources will support ministries that we have on our heart to do. We were stripped of everything at one time. Psalm 40:1-3 best describes us. But our Lord lifted us up and has blessed us. Why we don’t know why, except that because we are His kids and He wants to. Maybe it’s because we love the name of Jesus and because we give Him all the glory. I don’t know…I just think it’s His grace and Him blessing us after all the years of suffering we went through in our childhood and young adult lives. I don’t know..but our Lord has chosen to bless us and we are and will continue to be a blessing to others. We are not prosperity Gospel believers, but we do believe our Daddy owns everything and He blesses us just like He did Abraham, Issac, and Jacob. We have sat with a governor, a princess, very wealthy men, football players, boxers, a globel trotter, people who the world consider somebody…the only thing we can think of is… God chooses the foolish to confound the wise. It breaks my heart that my father in law thinks the way he does, but it’s only a week that he’ll be here. I will be praying for husband and him to make it through the week and not get into it. Hopefully I get on medication this week for my thyroid so my levels get right, that will help me a lot. Now that I am aware that it is probably my thyroid I feel better, not so evil about my behavior-even though some of behavior over the last weeks have been evil
I know now my hormones were going nuts. I have been, by the power of God, mentally telling myself don’t over react, don’t take things personal. I have been trying to be patient with my husband and family-I think I have been doing a good job. We haven’t been fighting. We have been holding each other every night-which is awesome. We have a king size bed, so when we fight we go to our separate corners-it’s so sad 😦 I just wanted to give you an update. I appreciate your prayers, advice, and blog. You are a blessed and wise woman.
Sincerely, Lisa Colon Psalm 40:1-3
http://www.ConsecratedToHim.com
http://www.WeUsed2bu.com
Date: Mon, 19 Nov 2012 10:01:24 +0000 To: narrowroad777@gmail.com
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Lisa,
I am THRILLED that you are doing so much better this week. I pray your husband will have wisdom in the difficult decisions that must be made. And I am so glad that you are able to be calm and not overreact. I am REALLY ecstatic that you are cuddling every night. I love to hear about oneness on every level.
Thank You, Lord, for all You are doing in Lisa and her marriage! We are filled with joy for the miracles You are doing and we thank You and praise You for Your mighty strength!
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Yes, I really want pleasing God to be my primary goal, but my fleshly mind keeps attacking me with thoughts of how to get more love. This is so hard! I’m weepy, self-centered, starving for affection, struggling to budge, confused as to what to do, walking on eggshells, afraid of being abandoned again, yet striving to meet God, going back to my First Love, devoting my life to follow Christ, letting go of the things I hold onto, trying to be obedient to the calling in have in Christ, working at serving which for some reason is harder than I thought.
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anotherwomansjourney,
Yep.
This is exactly what we all do – wrestle with all of these things.
As you find yourself wrestling – when you find disappointment or you feel your needs are going unmet – check your motives. Many times, we can make our feelings, our needs, our desires, being in control, getting what we want, etc… into idols.
Seek to only find your contentment, identity, acceptance, love, peace, purpose and joy in Christ alone.
Seek to please and obey Him and abide in Him and to bless your husband. That’s it. All the other motives have to go.
I’m right here if you want to talk some more.
Much love and a big hug to you!
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I am the mother of 8 children, ages 11 and under. And my third child is disabled and needs more intensive care than my other children. Over the years I have had both men and women lecture me on getting my husband to help around the house and with the children. Even making a scene about it in front of others. And I always resented him somewhat for not helping me out. And then it occurred to me, he isn’t the one commanded to keep the house, I am! And if my husband does anything to help me out I want him to do it out of LOVE not obligation or resentment or duty. I see so many women who emotionally manipulate their men to get them to help out. Or try and use scripture to tell him what they think God says he should do. ‘God says you should love me as Christ loves the church. Then you should be helping me more with the house/children and if you don’t, you are neglecting your spiritual duty’. Now I feel so angry that this is how wives are treating their husbands or using it to lay a guilt trip if a wife has a husband who won’t help.
I don’t mind changing nappies or taking the trash to the curb. It only takes a few moments and it’s done. And if I am rushed then it’s probably because I neglected to prepare earlier! I love my husband for who he is. Not for what he does or doesn’t do!
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