Handling Political Disagreements Respectfully


There are plenty of couples who do agree about politics and who can have conversations about these topics without any problem. And there are those who disagree but are able to respect the views of the other spouse (and other people) and speak about their opposing views without contention. However, there are some couples who disagree and for whom this topic is a powder keg. Any time they talk about it, explosive things happen that create destruction in their marriage or in their relationship.

What do we do when others like a candidate that terrifies us or upsets us? What about times when someone is NOT open to hearing our views when we share respectfully?

  1. Let’s Humbly Remember That Each Person Has Free Will.

Our husbands (and other people) have God-given free will with which they can make decisions and come to conclusions. They are free to believe what they think is best at the time. They can have their own convictions and it is not necessarily my place to try to get them to change their personal convictions. I can share with my husband and other people if they are open to hearing about my beliefs. But I can accept that not all people will agree with me. My husband answers to God for what he thinks, what he supports, and what he does – he does not answer to me. I can respect that we each have the right to think for ourselves and – in the United States, at least – we each have the right to vote for ourselves.

I can disagree with my husband but I don’t have to argue with him. After all, God commands all of us as followers of Christ:

Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. Philippians 2:14-16

My having contentious debates about politics would not be very productive for my marriage or even for our country. My views are not going to change anything in Washington – I can humbly accept that. My job as a Christian citizen is to prayerfully vote and then to pray for our president, whomever he/she may be. We are also to treat our government leaders with respect and honor – even if we strongly disagree with them.

If our views are very different and talking about politics leads to hurt feelings, bitterness, or division in our marriage, it may be wise to call a truce and to keep my personal convictions about politics to myself (kind of like God admonishes us to keep our personal religious convictions to ourselves in Romans 14).

2. We Can humbly Acknowledge That God Alone Is Sovereign and He Ultimately Determines Who Will Rule in Each Country in the World.

I do not carry the weight of who will be elected on my shoulders. I only carry the weight of my vote on my shoulders. It is not my job to try to get everyone to vote for the person I think would be best. I can remember that God will ultimately decide who will be the president, king, or ruler of any given country.

Jesus told Pilate, “You would have no power over me if it were not given to you from above” (John 19:11). God has purposes behind every decision He makes. Sometimes God puts less-than-ideal rulers over nations as judgment on them as we see in the Old Testament. Sometimes He gives a nation what they think they want – even though they will regret their decision (i.e.: Saul in the Old Testament) – to teach them to trust in Him alone, not in a human king or ruler. God can and will use whomever He chooses to accomplish His purposes in that nation and in the world.

3. Let’s Remember That There Is NO Human or Government Alive Who Can Fix the Problems Our Nation Faces – Some might make it worse much more quickly, of course. But the problems we have are beyond human solutions.

The United States’ massive debt problem is actually a spiritual problem. Our crime problem is a spiritual problem. Our abortion problem and our drug/alcohol addiction problems are spiritual problems. Our race relations and the way we treat immigrants and migrants are spiritual issues that reveal the priorities of our heart and our love (or lack of love) for God. Even terrorism is a spiritual problem – and God is able to defeat our enemies IF we trust Him and walk in obedience to Him.

We have turned away from God as a nation. We trust ourselves. We trust the government and politicians – or we want to try to find people we can trust to fix everything. We trust the economy. But we do not trust and honor God. As long as we continue on this road, we are racing toward our own destruction.

When a nation rebels against God, they remove themselves from His protection and begin to experience internal destruction (from sin) and external destruction (from enemies). These are indicators that we need to trust God, not ourselves – that we need His wisdom which is so much higher than our own.  The solution to all of the problems that are way too big for any human or group of humans to solve is that we humbly repent of our sins before the God of the universe and receive Christ.

4. Fervent, Effectual prayer for a Great Awakening and for Many to Come to Christ Will Be More Impactful Than Impassioned Discussions about Political, Human Solutions.

My arguing will not fix anything. Treaties will not guarantee us anything. Political solutions apart from the power and wisdom of God will only disappoint us. God has a plan for this world. His plan will stand. No one can thwart what He intends to do.

It is possible that we are in the last days and that we are witnessing the Great Apostasy (the great falling away of people from God). This may usher in the 7 years of the Great Tribulation where the whole world bands together against Israel and the world begins to face greater suffering than has ever been seen before. Only God knows the time of Christ’s return. Only He knows if the Great Tribulation is around the corner. We don’t know.

My job is to pray for salvation for millions and to pray for the repentance of our nation and other nations and even our enemies, that millions and millions might come to Christ and find salvation and healing here and in heaven for eternity.

I have access to a much higher authority than the president or king of our country. I have 24/7 access to the Holy of Holies in the throne room of the sovereign King of kings and Lord of lords – the Almighty God of the universe!?!? How amazing is that?!?! Instead of studying up on the best political solutions, how about we study up on how to increase our power in prayer and increase our faith and how to pray effectively?

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14


Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and you will be commended. For the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also as a matter of conscience. This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. Give to everyone what you owe them: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.



Is My Husband Bound By My Personal Convictions?

Suffering and the Sovereignty of God – John Piper (also deals with God’s sovereignty over nations)

The Sovereignty of God in History – from http://www.bible.org by Bob Diffinbaugh

Lessons on Effective Prayer – posts by Peacefulwife

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22 Comments on “Handling Political Disagreements Respectfully”

  1. patricia
    April 7, 2016 at 10:12 am #

    Oh, arrggh! This one IS a real abrasive topic between my spouse and me. It’s not so much that I disagree with him, we actually share a number of views and often vote for the same candidate/party. However, its the way he goes off a rant.

    His speech is not peaceable or reasonable or an attempt to discuss an issue, its more like being pinned down and having to listen to a have not/resentful/rebellious attitude that would rather believe the worst about everything and everyone and that the “little guy” cannot succeed so why try. It is actually quite draining and toxic to listen to, sort of like having someone pee in your well if you know what i mean. Uggh.

    I have confronted this respectfully and not so respectfully and he tones it down a bit, but its probably more of a heart issue. Sad thing is, it just turns me right off of him and makes him appear like someone who prefers to stay stuck in a narrow rut and believe nothing is possible. Sorry this is not very cheery . It is a source of frustration that he chooses unbelieve and negativtity over faith and hope all the time.


    • Peacefulwife
      April 7, 2016 at 10:17 am #


      I’m glad we are having this discussion. It is a hot button in many homes right now, I am sure.

      It is understandable that people would feel discouraged, afraid, frustrated, and angry if they are looking at the problems we face in our world today. The problems are HUGE! But when we are full of fear and anger, we are not full of faith in Christ and we can definitely be toxic to listen to and be around.

      How do you believe God might desire you to set a godly example and how do you believe God might desire you to pray for your husband as he struggles with this discouragement and fear? Who is the real enemy at work here?

      How is your walk with Christ going, my precious sister?

      Much love to you! Thank you for sharing. I am pretty sure you are not alone in this struggle.


    • Ann
      April 7, 2016 at 4:21 pm #

      Patricia, you are not alone. This sounds just like my husband. I actually completely agree with his political views, but anytime he expresses them, even to me, knowing that I agree, it is a total rant! And yes, it has become draining and toxic to listen to. It had gotten to the point that it was starting to make me pessimistic and cynical all the time. I hated feeling like this, so now I don’t even bring up politics anymore, and if he brings it up and starts a rant, I don’t say anything and try to move the conversation to a more pleasant topic.

      Thank you for broaching this topic, April. It is comforting to remember that we can’t change anything by grumbling; it is God who is omnipotent, and we place our faith in HIS hands. Now that puts a smile on my face.


  2. patricia
    April 7, 2016 at 2:41 pm #

    “The problems are HUGE! But when we are full of fear and anger, we are not full of faith in Christ and we can definitely be toxic to listen to and be around”. Yes, this is it in a nutshell. After over a decade of this, it has worn my own faith down and continually rained on my parade.

    My walk with Christ is at a very low and struggling place right now. One of my struggles is to CONSISTENTLY have a time of prayer and focus. I think that my spouse’s manner of speaking is kind of like being hit repeatedly by a stick, so I haven’t been very focused on how I can pray for him, more on how this is affecting me and how po’ed I am that he is doing this to me. It is not just politics that this negativity occurs; it’s other places also. He consistently ruins any enjoyment of life that I have in even the smallest things, with both negativity and attempting to micromanage what I am doing. As if there is no joy in mudville if you know what i mean.

    Part of it involves of course, his own choices and willingness to begin dealing with his heart and facing his life issues . Additionally, I do not think he really knows how to do this and it seems like a dubious and insurmountable project in which he has to whip himself in shape because someone else thinks he should. I think that would be my focus in prayer, willingness, change of heart and means to be able to do it without it being so much more bootstrap effort that leaves one even more drained.

    I have been praying for God to direct us to some theologically solid dvds along these lines, but so far nothing has come up. He would likely be willing to watch them with me. I think your comment about fear and anger is esp salient. Fear is negative faith and because of how it seems to work, it always achieves the opposite of what we hope for, as demonstrated by my being repelled by his negativity and control, and his being repelled by my closed off life and control.

    Thanks for chewing on this particular cud with me 🙂


    • Peacefulwife
      April 7, 2016 at 4:22 pm #


      It is very easy to allow our spouse’s mood to drag us down. But here is some awesome news… You don’t have to allow him to drag you down. You can let his depression impact you and affect your mood. You can be enmeshed with him so that his feelings cause yours to cascade out of control. But you don’t have to do this! Jesus promises that He gives us treasures that no one can take away from us. Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ:

      If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.

      Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.” No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

      And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:31-39

      I think we can add in there, “neither my husband’s negativity, nor his bad mood, or his lack of faith… can separate us from God’s love.” And our husbands’ attitudes do not have to infect us. We can choose to reject anything that they throw at us that is not of God. We can separate ourselves from them spiritually and emotionally (if that makes sense) so that we are dependent only on Jesus for our spiritual well-being, and we can back off and look at our husbands with the perspective, love, power, mercy, and truth of Christ directing our thoughts.

      My encouragement to you, my precious sister, is to not allow your husband to steal anything that Jesus has given you and to make your relationship with Christ your first priority. Do all that you can to make time to pray and to seek Him wholeheartedly. Commit yourself to total surrender to His Lordship. Commit yourself to delight in walking in obedience. Rest in His love and sovereignty. Rest in His power. Rest in His Spirit doing all of the work for you. It is not about you trying harder, but about you getting rid of self and any sin in your heart and yielding totally to Christ filling you to overflowing.

      If your husband is in this frame of mind, perhaps he is in the enemy’s snare. If he knew how to think differently in the power of God, he would. He needs prayer and God may use your godly example to help draw your husband to Himself. You don’t have to allow your husband to ruin anything. You get to decide how you feel. You get to decide if you are happy or not. You get to decide if you will enjoy things. Those emotions in your heart are yours to command, not his.

      There are some great resources in the Secret Church series by David Platt (you can search for them on Youtube) the ones about discipleship are awesome, and biblical manhood and womanhood. And the one “Who Is God?”
      You can’t change your husband. But you can allow God to radically change you and you can trust God to work in your husband. You are not your husband’s Holy Spirit. You are not responsible for his moods. I would love to invite you to read a few posts that might help you be set free from feeling so imprisoned by your husband’s dark moods.

      Please search my home page for things like:

      – command man
      – conflict
      – contentment
      – godly femininity
      – security
      – separation paradox
      – closeness
      – enmeshed
      – why do I have to change first?

      Let me know what God speaks to your heart, and please do make it a priority to spend time with Him, in fervent prayer, and in His Word, allowing Him to transform and heal you!

      Much love!


  3. Lori Alexander
    April 7, 2016 at 9:48 pm #

    Great post, April!


    • Peacefulwife
      April 7, 2016 at 10:41 pm #

      Thank you, kindly, Lori Alexander. I pray it will help us all to keep our focus and trust in Christ alone. 🙂


  4. In Christ Alone
    April 8, 2016 at 8:47 am #

    Thank you for this.☺ Needed it.☺
    Hope you & your family are doing well.☺
    God our Fathers blessings, grace & peace☺


    • Peacefulwife
      April 8, 2016 at 9:13 am #

      In Christ Alone,

      Thank you, we are doing well. I hope you are, too! 🙂

      Glad this was a blessing to you, my dear sister.

      Much love!


  5. Flower
    April 8, 2016 at 7:51 pm #

    Hi April,

    I was reading a post from a while ago where you encouraged saying your feelings simply, like “I feel hurt,” or “I feel angry because you ___.” You mentioned something along the lines of “simple feelings stand.” Overall, I like this idea and I agree with it and it works very well for me with pretty much everyone except for my mom.

    If I say, “That made me feel hurt,” she often responds with something along the lines of, “THAT made you feel hurt?! Jeez, you’re sensitive. If THAT’S the biggest problem in your life, you CLEARLY have it easy.”

    If I say, “I feel angry that you ___,” she often responds with something along the lines of, “You have no right to feel angry about that. I was completely justified to ___.” (followed by a long explanation of why her actions were “right”)

    My mom is a Christian and she doesn’t have any uncontrolled mental disorders or addictions or anything like that. She’s never had any major problems in life – she’s always had food, a place to live, never had to worry about money, etc. She and my dad have always been faithful to each other. I don’t get it. How should I respond to her when she says stuff like this? I’m at a total loss. Please help.



    • Peacefulwife
      April 8, 2016 at 10:26 pm #


      Saying your feelings really simply like that is especially effective with men a lot of times. Women can be a bit more tricky. Especially controlling women who don’t have healthy boundaries. Moms tend to be like this sometimes. You could share a post with her about healthy vs. unhealthy relationships – of course, you would definitely risk offending her. But perhaps it would be eye opening. I think it will be really important to pray before approaching her. What does your husband believe you should do?

      Your mom doesn’t have the right to dictate what your feelings are. Your feelings are your feelings. Her feelings are her feelings. She may think she gets to control your feelings, but that is a big boundary violation. God gave you your emotions. You are in charge of them. God gave her her emotions. She is in charge of them.

      A resource that might be really helpful is http://www.leslievernick.com. She has a post about dealing with toxic and critical people that may be something to prayerfully consider.

      I also have a Youtube video about dealing with controlling people. https://youtu.be/9HvRAPn64v0

      You can’t change your mom. She can think and say whatever she wants. But you can change you. And you can control yourself. You can also choose whether to receive or reject what she says in your own heart and life.

      “Mom, my emotions and feelings are my responsibility. I get to decide how I feel. My feelings are my feelings. You get to decide how you feel. You are responsible for your emotions and feelings. In a healthy relationship, people feel safe to share their positive and negative feelings with each other. They are vulnerable with each other by sharing their feelings. That is what I am doing, being vulnerable with you so that we can have a closer relationship. You don’t have to agree with my feelings. You may think what you did was right. But what I need from you is for you to acknowledge that I have the right to have my feelings, even if you don’t agree with them. When you dismiss my feelings, I feel unloved and unimportant to you. I want us both to know that we are safe to share our feelings with each other even if we disagree about things. I would like to think about changing the way we interact a bit so that we can communicate in more productive ways. I know it will feel strange at first because we are used to our old ways, but I think we may be able to grow closer together if we could try some new things that may be honoring to God and a blessing to each other.”

      Some moms may respond to that in a positive way. But it is likely that her unhealthy ways of thinking have been engrained for so many decades that she may have a LOT of resistance to the idea that she has unhealthy boundaries and that her thinking may need to change. That’s okay. It is not your job to change her. You can share truth if you believe God desires you to. You can set healthy boundaries with her. You can pray about how to approach her. You can focus on being filled to overflowing with God’s Spirit so that you respond in the power of God even when she responds in destructive ways. You can ask your husband for his wisdom and guidance. There may be some things you decide you can’t talk about with her. Or you may need to be willing to accept that she won’t understand healthy boundaries. You can pray for God’s healing for her and for Him to open her eyes.

      Much love to you!

      I Am Responsible for My Emotions
      I Am Responsible for My Spiritual Well-Being

      You may also search my home page for terms that have posts that may be helpful:

      – control
      – people pleasing
      – manipulate with guilt
      – playing the martyr
      – godly femininity
      – ungodly woman


      • Flower
        April 12, 2016 at 11:13 am #

        Hi April,

        Thanks so much for your helpful suggestions. I really appreciate your perspective. Thank you also for validating that I have the right to feel the way I feel – I needed to hear that.

        My boyfriend (we will be married in ~1 year, after we both graduate from college) did not have any specific advice about what to say in reply, but he had some very helpful suggestions about understanding why she might act the way she does, showing her agape love regardless of what she says, and not letting her comments get to me.

        Thanks again! 🙂



        • Peacefulwife
          April 12, 2016 at 12:53 pm #


          You are most welcome. I’m glad that it was a blessing. 🙂


      • Flower
        April 12, 2016 at 11:14 am #

        Hi April,

        I also read the posts and watched the videos you suggested. Thank you! 🙂


  6. insanitybytes22
    April 10, 2016 at 11:17 pm #

    Ah, this is one area my husband is absolutely wonderful about. There’s an unfortunate idea in the culture at the moment, “the personal is political,” a phrase I think has been quite harmful. Fortunately he has never perceived things that way, so he will either humor me or declare he hopes I am wrong, but he never takes our political differences personally. To be somewhat detached, not invested in the outcome personally, humble even, is kind of wise when it comes to politics. If you’ve watched the game long enough you come to realize that things are not always as they appear, that candidates can win and still disappoint you terribly.


    • Peacefulwife
      April 11, 2016 at 7:47 am #


      Every candidate who is running will disappoint us, yep. They are all imperfect humans. The problems we are facing are too big for any of them to solve. I’m so glad you and your husband are able to talk about things without contention. That is awesome! 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Ellen
    April 18, 2016 at 2:02 pm #

    This is a tough one to know how to act respectfully in my house. My husband has a tendency to treat politics like a very long sporting event that has two-year long seasons, and one party is his team. But the stakes are so much higher than if the Dodgers lose! In 2012, I paid attention and got suckered into believing that things that were going bad at the time would be four times worse if the election didn’t go the way he wanted it to. It didn’t and I felt a sense of hopelessness. This is because it’s like a sport to him, but I feel things more deeply. Things did get worse for awhile, but when election season started up again in 2014 I refused to be suckered in.

    I have just left the room, put Christian music on and told him “Tell me who is left to vote for when it’s California’s turn to vote.” Of course that day is now coming, and I’ve got decisions to make this year, it hasn’t been decided for us. I may not vote the same way he does. He knows that’s true in June, at least I’ll vote for the right party. But I dare not tell him I may vote for the wrong party in November, because that would be the same as liking someone on the enemy team. I just don’t say anything, even when he says “Ellen and I will be voting for_____ in November, assuming he’s on the ballot.” I just keep my mouth shut, and if I come to a point where I need to correct him on that, I probably will just tell certain people, “He’s wrong, I am voting for____________.”


  8. just me
    May 4, 2016 at 1:24 pm #

    Hey April,
    Thanks for your comments regarding my post. I have some questions/concerns though. First, regarding separating ourselves from our husbands emotionally/spiritually. Sounds good in theory but how do we do it? How do you separate yourself from someone on that level, whom you are supposed to love and be intimate with, without it being a kind of shutting them out of your life? Its as if my heart only has two options, all open and all closed so I do not understand how in reality one can do this without it being a form of splitting or double mindedness. I did tell him that I could not any longer deal with his incessant negativity, etc and that it is making my life miserable. Could you elaborate on how this works in reality?

    Secondly, regarding the common advice given on many sites not just this one, that we don’t have to let someone else dictate our feelings, followed by the advice to tell them ” That made me feel hurt”, isn’t that a bit contradictory? If we are telling someone that their words/actions MADE us feel hurt, It would seem that they CAN indeed dictate our feelings. Perhaps I am not getting something here?

    Re: passive aggressive ranting: it can often be part of a sinful response pattern . Its a way of indirectly attacking others. I was at a wedding once with family and one of the new inlaws was issuing diatribes against various types of people, which he would hide behind the phrase ” I can’t stand people who…” following by whatever his rant was about. One of them was about black people and those who suppport them as equal persons. Well , he knew many of my relatives dislike racial prejudice and there was a black man sitting at the table as well who was in the wedding party. My cousin got fed up with his covert attacks on all of us and gave him a stern rebuke in which she said ” If you have something to say, say it directly. Don’t hide behind
    ” people”. She correctly called him out on his wrong and intentional behaviour .

    My husband does have a fear problem but its related to heart issues connected to what his family was like growing up as much or more than it is politcally motivated. I got exasperated with him once and said ” Look if this was REALLY about politiics, and sincere issues and a desire to change them, you would get involved in trying to do something about these things, if only on a local level. Even something as small as being a community volunteer on the crime patrol team, or growing food for the food bank. While not totally changing the whole landscape, I think my confronting this with acid test truth comments IS having a bit of an effect in terms of letting in some daylight though only time will tell. By acid test truth comments, I mean things like for instance, a situation where someone claims they can’t control their anger when in an argument with their spouse. An acid test truth comment would be ” If the pastor or the police came to the door, would you be able to reign it in and respond with a nice tone of voice and a smile”? We all know the answer to that one, lol!

    There is a payoff in investing in certain beliefs and stances. If I am only a victim of others who have the power while I have none, then I can believe God doesn’t hold me responsible to do a thing about anything at all and therefore nothing is my fault. But I believe God is insulted by that because it totally leaves Him out and discounts Him as if he’s not part of the equation and doesn’t have the power to open doors no one can close and close doors no one can open.

    I am thinking of the story of scouting out the promised land and the wimpy men who gave a negative report where they said ” There are giants in the land and we seemed like grasshoppers by comparison”. God was ticked and their unbelief resulted in serious loss to them and their families. I am currently praying for God to meet him in a real way as I cannot break through the stronghold in his life this represents through verbal efforts anyhow. And I have enough of my own that are both different and the same to deal with.

    I do understand how how powerfully latched on and even demonically reinforced those strongholds can be, how hard they can be to get out of. They provide fertile ground for the enemy to make use of. Fear is perhaps his most useful weapon and affords him many easy victories when our trust in God is weak and our trust in ourselves is strong. And self pity and bitterness sure don’t help. I remember reading somewhere that we should treat every occasion to fear as an invitation to be overthrown by the enemy. I grew up with terrifying violence and abuse, to put it mildly. Among other things, abuse brainwashes you into a victim/powerless mindset, much like the story of how huge elephants are trained to stand on a short chain. They are chained up when they are babies who don’t have the strength of an adult to break the chain. By the time they are grown, the belief that its useless to attempt escape is deeply engrained. Escape attempts are probably punished also which only adds to the mental imprisionment. They don’t know they are now an 8000 lb adult african elephant and now have the power to act. It still winds up being idolatry though when we would prefer to believe what is familiar to us than to believe God change it and won’t reach out to Him.

    Thanks for the time to discuss these things, looking forward to your thoughts on the separation thing.


    • Peacefulwife
      May 5, 2016 at 10:09 am #

      just me,

      1. Please search my home page search bar for:

      – closeness
      – oneness
      – separation paradox
      – husband idol
      – healthy vs. unhealthy relationships
      – godly femininity

      These posts go into how we can not be enmeshed with our husbands, so we aren’t codependent or idolizing them.

      2. I guess I don’t use the phrase, “that made me feel hurt.” But I do suggest things like, “ouch,” or, “that felt hurtful.” I have feelings and emotions. I do need to express them appropriately and in a godly way. I can do that without disrespecting my husband. He needs to know if he is doing something hurtful or sinful against me. But I don’t have to allow his sin or his awful mood destroy my joy and peace in Christ.

      Husbands can be hurtful or hateful. When someone sins against us, it hurts. God, Himself, is grieved when we sin against Him. But He is not paralyzed by our actions. We don’t have to be consumed by what our husbands do or do not do. We don’t have to be dependent on them for us to live in the spiritual abundance that Jesus gives to us. We have normal human emotions, but we have the power of the Holy Spirit and we are not dependent on a man’s opinion of us or his approval. We are seeking, ultimately, only God’s approval.

      3. I’m glad the woman called out the passive aggressive ranting. That sounds like a healthy response to what was going on.

      4. Sounds like a great response about that your husband could get involved himself to seek to change things. Of course, he can also pray! 🙂

      5. I totally agree, we enjoy thinking of ourselves as victims and then we don’t have to take responsibility for ourselves. But the problem is, we do have to take responsibility for ourselves. Of course God is insulted if we leave Him out of the picture. Great point.

      6. Yes, we suffer and don’t get to experience God’s blessings and miracles when we continue on in unbelief. We need God’s power to give us victory over those strongholds. I like that quote about every occasion to fear should be an invitation to be overthrown by the enemy.

      Breaks my heart to hear about the awful situation you faced growing up. 😦 How I praise God for the way He is healing you, my dear sister! 🙂



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