“My Husband Referred Me Here – That Jerk!”

This is a story I hear pretty frequently – so often that I can’t count how many times it has happened. Some wives are open to suggestions from their husbands, and others… well, not so much.

A situation like this puts me in a very awkward position – smack dab in the middle of marital tension between a husband and wife. Not a fun place to be. I understand why a wife might feel criticized and upset if her husband sends a link to my blog. I also understand why she might not be interested in anything I have to say, at first. But…

How I pray each wife might stick around long enough to really begin to allow God to speak to her soul. The things I share here really aren’t about your husband as much as they are about your walk with Christ Jesus.

YOUR HUSBAND MAY BE A SELFISH, UNGODLY, EVIL MAN

That is possible. I know that there are a few truly abusive* men who try to twist my words – and God’s Word – and force their wives into slavery (rather than allowing their wives to voluntarily choose biblical submission out of reverence for Christ). That upsets me more than I can possibly say.

God gives us all free will. None of us has the right to override another adult’s free will. God doesn’t override our ability to choose to obey Him or not. It is certainly not any human’s place to try to force someone into obeying God or to act like a slave. The commands God gives husbands and wives are individual commands to each spouse. They are not commands for husbands to enforce a wife’s obedience to God or for wives to enforce a husband’s obedience to God (Eph. 5:22-33, I Peter 3:1-7, Titus 2:3-5).

Even if your husband is the most awful man on earth, perhaps God might desire to use some of the posts here to bless you – especially about your walk with Christ.

No matter what kind of man your husband is, God calls you – my precious sister – to be a holy, godly, Spirit-filled Christ-following woman. And no matter what kind of wife you are, God calls your husband to be a holy, godly, Spirit-filled, Christ-following man. We will each answer to Him individually for how we treated our spouses when this life is over.

God measures how we treat other people as if that is how we treat Him (Matt. 25:40). The way I treat my husband is about my character and my relationship to Christ (the same is true for how husbands treat their wives). It really isn’t about my husband at all. It is about whether God’s Spirit is in control of my life, or my sinful flesh is in control (Galatians 5)

That doesn’t mean you have to take abuse. And maybe not all of my posts about marriage will be helpful if you have serious issues* in your marriage because of my slant (I was a controlling wife with a passive husband). God’s Word applies to us all and He can make something beautiful out of your life as seek to trust and obey Him wholeheartedly (Romans 8:28-29)- even if separation may be necessary, at least for a time.

COULD THERE BE A POSSIBILITY THAT MAYBE YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT REALLY A JERK?

Maybe he has some legitimate concerns or ideas to share with you that might bless you and your marriage? I have communicated with a large number of husbands here who see the healing that is possible for women, men, marriages, and families who truly do love their wives and want what is best for them and long to share this information out of good intentions and loving hearts. A lot of them are very hesitant to share what they read here with their wives because they are afraid their wives won’t receive this information well from them. These husbands are in a bit of a lose/lose situation.

1. Don’t share God’s Word and truth with their wives and continue to get the same results and no healing in their marriages.

2. Do share God’s design and risk offending their wives.

Perhaps he is attempting to hand you a treasure from God and open a door to healing for you, for himself, for your marriage, and your children. Could it be possible that God prompted your husband to send you here because God wants you to be here? Maybe God is leading you here through your husband. God desires to set you free from bondage to fear, worry, anxiety, and pain as you fully submit all that you have and all that you are to Him. Christ intends to bring great peace, joy, and contentment into your life – perhaps through this very site as He has done for hundreds of other women around the world.

Greg never confronted me about my sin for the first 14.5 years of our marriage. How I wish he had!! We both could have been spared so much pain and and experienced great blessings if I had seen my issues and repented sooner. He was able to see my blind spots that I could not see. Husbands and wives need loving, respectful rebukes from each other at times about our sin. A godly rebuke can be LIFE-GIVING! (Even if it is painful at first.)

I hope you won’t allow the fact that your husband referred you here to cause you to reject the priceless and precious gifts God has in store for you. Maybe one day, you will thank him.

I pray that each of you might hear God’s voice clearly, find spiritual healing through Jesus, be filled with the Holy Spirit, discover God’s design for you as a woman, and walk in obedience to Him.

When you are right with God and His Spirit is in charge instead of self, He can give you the power to be the woman, wife, and mother He calls you to be. He can enable you to be the woman you have always desired to be. He can give you victory over your fears, over worry, over discouragement, over discontentment, over depression, and over sin!!!

SHARE:

If your husband shared my blog with you – I’d love to hear your story – whether it is positive or negative. I’d like to learn how I can most bless all wives.

————-

(*I actually don’t write for women in abusive situations because some of them tend to have filters that cause them to misinterpret and misunderstand what I write in dangerous ways. Wives whose husbands are abusive, involved in unrepentant infidelity, suffering from uncontrolled mental illness, or who are actively involved in drug/alcohol addictions are probably going to need very specialized one-on-one, godly, experienced counsel. I never condone abuse!! My posts about marriage are not geared toward these severe issues. The posts about our relationship with Christ may be helpful for women in these situations, but my posts about marriage issues may not be from the right slant for women with major problems in their marriages. Some things to remember about God’s design where the husband loves and leads selflessly and the wife honors and respect her husband – husbands are never the ultimate authority. Husbands are not always right. God does not condone abuse of authority or sin against anyone. There are times when separation can be very necessary.)

———–

RELATED:

“Your Blog Made Me SO Angry!”

Why Do I Have to Change First?

Submission (to Christ as Lord) Means We Hold the Things of This World Loosely

Responding to Our Husbands’ Constructive Criticisms – VIDEO

Confronting Our Husbands’ about Their Sin

Husbands Are Never the Absolute Authority

A Call to Prayer – for Our Husbands

My Husband Doesn’t Deserve My Respect – VIDEO

Signs Your Husband May Be Feeling Disrespected and Unloved

Spiritual Authority – God’s Design in families, the church, and government to protect, provide for, and care for His people

Husbands Share What Is Disrespectful to Them

What Is Respect in Marriage?

Respecting Our Husbands as Fathers

Why Don’t I Address Women with Abusive Husbands?

Do I Condone Marital Rape or Abuse?

 

RESOURCES ABOUT HOW HUSBANDS CAN HAVE GODLY LEADERSHIP and HOW WIVES CAN BE GODLY WIVES:

Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood – edited by Wayne Grudem and John Piper FREE DOWNLOAD!

Love and Respect – by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

For Women Only – by Shunti Feldhahn

For Men Only – by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhah

18 Comments on ““My Husband Referred Me Here – That Jerk!””

  1. SimplyK
    June 23, 2015 at 7:25 pm #

    Things are no better. The two Christian women friends I have confided in tell me they believe I am in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship. I fear leaving my husband, not because of what he would do to me but because of the toll it would have on my son and me. Please weigh in on one specific issue. My husband routinely tells me we are not married. He will say this when I might say that I would like to discuss the idea of him moving his grown daughter and granddaughter back into the house, or if I try to plan our annual family vacation, just random things that when brought up I mention gently, on eggshells even. For instance today, I was talking of my niece who was invited as one of ten rising seniors in the state to do some medical interning in Boston, an amazing opportunity for college applications, yet its costing her and her mom about $1750 to attend. I asked him if he would one day help my son afford such an opportunity if he were given the chance. This prompted his “we’re not married” rant, totally unexpected. So this is what he says, “We are not married” I say, “But we are married.” He says”we are NOT married. Marriage is a partnership. We are not partners. You have job that puts you in the poverty level (I make $18k, he makes $80K), you are not equally putting in to this, you contribute nothing but crumbs. You are not a partner so we are not married. We are roommates. It is not my job to provide for you. It is not my job to raise you. This is not NASCAR. I am not your sponsor. If your son needs something, I’ll tell him to tell his Moma to get off her fat @**, get a f****** career, a real job and pay for it. You are a deadbeat loser, no better than your drug addict sister, always looking for a handout. You better grow up, I ain’t your daddy, not my job to raise you. Don’t talk to me again until you can figure out how to be an equal financial partner.” I ask if I need to get a second job, work in a mill to maybe make $2K more a year, what do you want? He says I
    I don’t know…grow up and figure it out. And now we’ll do the silent treatment for the next week? Two? He won’t allow me to talk to him until he chooses to. Literally, he’ll be unapproachable, tuned out, or yelling at me to leave him alone, even if I approach timidly to ask what he’d like for supper. I have learner to just pass him silently so as not to provoke him. What am I to do in this animosity-filled, loveless marriage? Just tell me how I am to handle just this one issue? Any guidance at all please. I am so confused.”

    Like

    • Peacefulwife
      June 23, 2015 at 10:51 pm #

      SimplyK,

      Does this man claim to be a believer in Christ?

      Was he aware of the financial situation before you both got married?

      Did you agree to a specific financial arrangement before marriage?

      Is there a godly pastor that he trusts that he would be willing to go talk to with you?

      How long has he been saying that you are not married and talking like this?

      How is your walk with Christ?

      What do you believe God desires you to do?

      Do you take responsibility for his sin?

      Do you truly believe that if you were just “submissive enough” he would treat you better?

      Like

      • kjdehart
        June 24, 2015 at 7:14 am #

        Peaceful Wife,
        He does claim to be a believer, however he doesn’t attend church. His interpretation of the Bible says that I am “to be a helpMATE” (his emphasis) which he explains to mean that I “am supposed to he an equal contributor to his accumalation of wealth”. If I can’t figure out how to do that, I am not doing my “duties as a wife, therefore he is under no obligation to me as a husband” therefore “we are not married. Yes he was fully aware of this situation. We did agree to a financial arrangement that I have upheld, although twice it was very tight but I still maintained it. He would not agree to any form of counseling; his mother and sister are the only ones he will talk to and he claims they support him handling me this way because in their eyes I am a gold digger (yt when we married he only made about $30K and has only started making this kind of money about 5 years ago). He has been saying this since the spring of last year, a couple of months after his daddy died, leaving him to inherit a small fortune, several hundred thousand. However, for about ten years he has made the NASCAR, not my sponsor statements. He does not apologize for the not married statements but occassionally (maybe three times this past year) for “being so harsh and insulting”. When he does I have just silently accepted it. This is usually a prelude to intimacy and after, there is no change. He usually goes on his tirade again within a day or two.

        Like

        • Peacefulwife
          June 25, 2015 at 10:31 am #

          Hmm… I am not aware of anything in Scripture that remotely resembles the things your husband is saying. In fact, if anything, the husband is called to primarily be the provider financially, as early as Genesis 2. Adam tilled the land and the curse God brought on Adam was about his area of responsibility – working to provide. Eve was to be the mother and care for the children – and her curse because of sin involved that area of her responsibility.

          I wonder if you may want to read the first and second chapter of Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood edited by Wayne Grudem and John Piper. You can download that book for free at http://www.cbmw.org/resources/

          It may be that you need to seek godly counseling for yourself at this point.

          The post I wrote today may be helpful as you are thinking about things. I am praying for wisdom for you!

          Like

          • kjdehart
            June 25, 2015 at 11:20 am #

            Thank you so much for replying. I am aware that too much self esteem is a sinful thing. I have literally none. Therefore, I just stay so hurt and confused. I am working to get closer to God. I am going to print off today’s post as I prayerfully consider God’s direction and will for my life and I will most certainly read the book you have suggested. I only asked for advice for this one thing just to get an idea if you thought I was being disobedient, disrespectful or if its at all possible my husband is being hurtful in a way that is not warranted. I don’t get why he routinely trash talks me, the way I raise my son, my family, but worst of all, my character. He tells me that I am worthless and offer him nothing. I have let him convince me that there is nothing of value in me or from me. Complacency to the issue feels easiest but it gets to a point where I feel like giving up on life. I appreciate what you’ve offered. I am praying hard God directs me…will you please pray for me as well?

            Like

            • Peacefulwife
              June 25, 2015 at 11:35 am #

              kjdehart,
              PLEASE, PLEASE read the post My Identity in Christ. My dear sister! I am concerned that the enemy is speaking to you through the mouth of your husband. Please write down all the things he has said to you – and then compare them to the truth of God’s Word. Reject the lies, my precious one! Take these thoughts captive for Christ. Just because your husband says something doesn’t mean it is true or that it is of God. Don’t allow a sinful man to influence you to disregard what God says about you if you belong to Christ. Cling to Christ. Let go of the false things your husband has said. He doesn’t get to define your identity and worth. God does. God is your Creator. He is your Lord. Not your husband.

              Your husband may be living in the power of the sinful nature right now rather than the power of the Spirit of God (Galatians 5:18-26). He doesn’t have the right to take away from you the things Jesus has given to you – His love, joy, peace, acceptance, purpose, strength, spiritual living water, and great worth.

              I am concerned that you may be allowing your husband to be in too high of a place in your heart. Is that possible?

              Lord,
              I lift up this dear sister of ours to Your throne room in the highest heavens. Open her eyes to the truth of Your Word. Open her eyes to what You have done for her and to Truth. Help her to take her thoughts captive for You Let her become the strong woman of Christ that You desire her to be no matter what her husband is doing. Let her stop listening to his words that are leading to death and listen to Your Words that are life and peace! Use her to minister to this man according to Your will. Bring him to repentance and to conviction and change him to be like Jesus for Your glory. Help her to cling only to You alone and to depend on You for all of her emotional and spiritual needs. Give her wisdom for each step You desire her to take. Let her live in the power of Your Spirit and not repay evil for evil. Let her overcome evil with good by Your power working in her!

              Another book that may be helpful “Sacred Influence” by Gary Thomas. Lots of examples of dealing with angry husbands in a godly way.

              Like

              • Peacefulwife
                June 25, 2015 at 2:49 pm #

                SimplyK,

                It kind of sounds like you think that if you do “all the right things” you can make your husband change. Or if you never disagree with him, that he will be a better man. Am I understanding correctly?

                Dying to self is about seeking to honor Christ – not seeking to appease a human. We can seek to bless our husbands, but they are not god. Their approval is not the ultimate goal. God’s approval is the ultimate goal. If your husband is asking you to forsake caring for your child – that is something to really carefully and prayerfully consider.

                God does hate divorce. But He also hates all sin. He hates when your husband sins against you. He hates when you sin against your husband. He wants unity and truth to win in our relationships.

                Happiness is not wrong – but the key is that happiness is not the most important thing – God is. Not our husbands.

                I don’t know what God desires you to do. This will require a lot of prayer and seeking God’s wisdom. It would be great if you can honor your husband – but you do also need to think about God’s role for you as a wife and mom and what God calls you to do. It would also be great if your husband had a biblical view about marriage – which doesn’t seem to be the case. But first, I think the more important issue is the things you believe about yourself and God and maybe about your husband and the things he says to you.

                I can’t give you the answer you need. But God can – ask you seek Him.

                Some other posts that may be helpful:

                Doormats Don’t Glorify God Either
                It Is Possible to Be Overly Submissive
                Biblical Submission Is Not Passivity
                Godly Femininity
                How to Make Your Husband an Idol
                Confronting Our Husbands about Their Sin

                God may desire you to examine your own paradigms and fixed beliefs and to heal your heart and mind. He may desire you to share with your husband that biblical marriage isn’t about a wife working 2 jobs or bringing in an equal amount of money. He may desire you to wait and pray. He may desire you to share your concerns about your son and to say something like, “I wish I could honor your request. But I don’t believe it is right of me as a mother to leave my son home alone in such a critical time in his life when he needs my influence, nurturing, love, discipline, and presence.” He may desire you to seek godly counsel to help you if your husband continues in this frame of mind.

                There are worse things than a husband leaving. If there is a lot of verbal abuse going on – there may need to be a gentle, respectful, firm confrontation about that this is not okay.

                But until you are strong in Christ and thinking clearly, I am not sure how you will hear God’s voice to know what God desires you to do. So, to me, the first thing is to get your soul healed and in line with God’s Word and His truth and to get rid of the wrong and toxic ways of thinking.

                Like

  2. SimplyK
    June 25, 2015 at 2:18 pm #

    I don’t understand your earlier question about whether I feel responsible for my husbands sin. And do I think he would treat me better if I was submissive enough? I don’t know–I have submitted to nearly everything he asks for and it has never helped. He may be in too high a place in my heart but I don’t know. I just try desperately to die to myself so as to bear this relationship, hoping to do God’s will in staying married. Divorce would devastate my son and it would destroy me, both in many ways. Those are some of the reasons God hates divorce, no? Isn’t it selfish to want any happiness?–but I can’t tolerate all the incessant character attacks. My main question is…am I to take on a second job or seek that mill job, leaving my son, (who is 14), to have no one at home when he is at home, except maybe weekends, to please my husband. I mean it literally when I say my son would be home alone, wrestling matches would be no parent there, supper/bedtime…no parent. To me, it feels like a sin to not finish raising my son. Or is it a bigger sin to not do as my husband insists?

    Like

    • Sue
      September 12, 2015 at 7:17 am #

      To Simply K…..

      My heart goes out to you in your situation. There’s no simple solution to your problem with your mean, control freak husband. I have great respect for marriage…marriage between a man and a woman is God’s idea. But honestly this man is something else!

      K, for one thing I don’t think you are holding this man too high in your heart. I think you are simply afraid of crossing him because he has shown you in the past he is not trustworthy with your
      heart. He is nothing like the husband God describes in the word…the one that should love you as Christ loves the church. I would caution you also not to immediately run to your pastor or his
      wife for counsel. Pray about it first. I have heard of instances where women have run to the church leaders for help and not only did they not get help, the church turned around and made it look like the woman was to blame. Pray and ask God if you should go to your pastor in the first place.

      I don’t say this lightly. This is no disrespect to pastors. But I myself have gone to my pastor and have reason to believe he shared my confidence with others. Even a pastor who has a degree in counseling shared with someone else, without my permission. Don’t just automatically trust anyone… only God knows who is trustworthy. Ask him to put you in touch with the right person/people.

      Ask God to put a guard around your heart so your husbands words will not penetrate. You are suffering low self esteem because of his words. Don’t believe him. He is actually the one that has low self esteem. You would never know it to hear him talk. But anyone who constantly puts another person down is actually overcompensating for his feelings of unworthiness and inferiority. People that love insulting others do it to make themselves feel better in comparison.

      I pity him. He is a poor excuse for a husband and father/stepfather. Pray for him and don’t stop. But do know this….if he refuses to change and continues to wear you down repeatedly and you feel like damaged goods when he is done with you, consider the idea of seperating for a while. Then ask God to bring this man to deep conviction about his behavior. There is no excuse for what he is doing.

      I’ll be praying for you and your son.

      Like

      • SimplyK
        September 20, 2015 at 9:53 am #

        Whoa–I only just realized your response to me as well as the others. How ashamed I feel that my heart and problems are lying here so exposed but I am glad there is some anonymity in these posts. I am crying out, desperate, hurt, and hopeless in my posts on this blog and to see that the Peaceful Wife, as well as you, care enough to pray for me and my son and took the time and consideration to speak advice to me is humbling and so appreciated. I have been tremendously hurt and so much damage is done but God does heal and He does restore and He remains good. I am so blessed that I have found a way to be heard without condemnation or fear that my confidences will be betrayed. And you are so right in how much his hatefulness wears me down–I have been literally just trying to make it another day without any hope of it ever getting better.

        Thanks so very much for your undeserved kind words and prayers–I can assure you they are being felt and God is working. Please continue.

        Like

        • Peacefulwife
          September 21, 2015 at 10:03 pm #

          SimplyK,
          If you want to talk some more, I am glad to hash through things with you and will continue to do my best to point you to the healing and hope that is so abundantly available in Jesus. 🙂

          Like

    • Linda
      September 12, 2015 at 7:31 am #

      To Simply K…..

      You are NOT responsible in any way for your husbands sin or behavior. He is wearing you down because he simply enjoys the idea that he can! God does not want us to be easily intimidated.
      It would take one or two times for you to stand up to him and insist he settle down and shut his mouth. He’s a huge bully, no better than the overgrown kid on the playground who beats up the little kids for their lunch money. As soon as one of them stands up for himself he backs away and finds another victim.

      Of course, I would not suggest you do something dangerous or that would put you or your son at risk. Your husband needs a taste of his own medicine. He is a very sick man. A husband should protect his wife and shield her from the pollution of the world around them. I will be praying for you and your son, K. So will many others reading this post. No man has the right to constantly berate and insult his wife. You need wisdom to make the right decision and I believe God will answer your prayer for that. Keep your ears open to His voice.

      You sound like a sweet and kind woman who has great capacity to love and its a shame this man is so blind to that. He is the real loser in all of this.

      Like

      • kjdehart
        September 20, 2015 at 10:00 am #

        I only just saw these responses to me but I can’t begin to tell you how humbling and heartbreaking at the same time they are. It means so much to know that you care, to know that my crying out here is being met with prayers and advice. Yet it hurts when I don’t know if my husband will ever be any different, if I will ever dream of anything again, if I will ever not fill tense when my husband is home. I can not thank you enough for your prayers and your advice. They are being felt. I can feel God working to heal here and I pray I can continue to stay open to feeling and hearing and seeing God’s healing. Please continue the prayers–God is the only One that can truly work things together for good in my situation and every small prayer is so desperately needed and humbly appreciated.

        Like

        • Peacefulwife
          September 21, 2015 at 10:06 pm #

          Kjdehart,

          I am glad you are seeking Christ! He is able to heal your soul, my dear sister! I pray, too that you will be very sensitive to God’s voice and quick to do anything He asks of you. I pray for continued healing for you, your husband, and your marraige.

          I am here if you want to talk some more.

          Much love!

          Like

  3. SimplyK
    June 27, 2015 at 12:07 am #

    I guess I sit in a powerless and passive state, scared to rock the boat, realizing that it is not getting better no matter what I try. I have quit checking up on his Internet indiscretions, I have lowered my expectations to the point where we never do anything together and hardly speak, but still his pride and ego of himself gets bigger and more demanding. I am powerless to change him.

    But the most powerful words(that I have felt) so far are contained in your last paragraph. I can feel God speaking to me through you there. It is so hard to explain …how much I want to believe there has to be something of value here, in me, but how hard the Devil tells me that if you knew me, you’d dislike me, too. My husband routinely points out that I have no friendships and all my other relationships are strained because the common denominator is ME. LIke, how can I know God wouldn’t say that about me (or would He) yet I still can’t pull myself out of the trenches of this warfare, this worthlessness, this self-hate? How can I see a life-preserver and think it’s be less selfish to let it pass me by, there’s little use in trying to turn this life around? The only joy and distraction I feel is when I am with my son, who I love more than myself.

    I am pretty screwed up, I know. But thanks so much for being an ear to my pain and being God’s mouthpiece. I read the chapters in the ebook you suggested. It is helping. I am praying and reflecting and trying to allow healing in my soul. Thank you for suggesting that.

    Like

    • Peacefulwife
      June 27, 2015 at 7:38 am #

      SimplyK,

      Have you read “My Identity in Christ“?

      And when you do – I want you to write down the things you are telling yourself and then put a big fat X through all of that and write down these truths of Scripture.

      The enemy wants you to believe these lies that you are unlovable, you are worthless, no one loves you, there is no hope. But his goal is to steal, kill, and destroy. Jesus has come to give you life and to give it to you to the fullest possible measure! You have unfathomable worth in Christ Jesus. But you will have to stop believing these lies.

      Here is another book that I believe will be very healing – “Lies Women Believe” by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

      These feelings and ideas in your heart and mind are not of God. They are of the enemy. The enemy and your sinful nature will battle your receiving the truth – because then the enemy will have no hold on you. There is no person who is outside of the love and the reach of God through Jesus. None of us deserve His love. He loves us because that is who He is. We have value because He made us. And He is the Master Sculpture who is able to take the pieces of your brokenness and remake it all into something glorious for His sake.

      There is no advantage in not taking the life preserver. It is not like if you refuse God’s graciousness that someone else can have it instead. There is enough of His love and grace for everyone.

      You are a person, too.
      You are not the exception to God’s love.
      He can heal your fear, shame, guilt, and self-hatred.
      There is every reason to hope in Christ!

      Be willing to reject the old lies you have embraced and allow God to help you tear every one of them out of your heart and soul and replace them with His truth. That is what we ALL have to do. I had to go through the same process. It was PAINFUL! But VERY, VERY worth it!

      Like

  4. Jeff
    September 19, 2015 at 8:56 pm #

    Gosh, my heart goes out to ‘kjdehart.’
    I wish I could make 80K a year! It would be my absolute pleasure to out-fit my wife with fine things for no other reason than to see her content. As it is, I have to live with 37k worth of welfare. Better than nothing, but with 7 kids here, my income compared to her real job is about equal. My wife deserves better, I have failed in that, still trying, (6 years unemployed on sept 19) glad I got welfare to overcome lack of income, but we lost two thirds of a source of income last month, so things are worse. We argue, disagree, she is very disrespectful and I call her on it, but we are still in the same bed which means, I suppose, we are not doing as bad as…some…?

    On this subject of directing a wife to this site; this is equal to placing a book on romance onto a husband’s pillow. People tend to react differently to criticism and advice. The way of humbling oneself is often elusive because we have difficulty going from sin to not sinning. The stress of change is difficult. Losing control of something in your life is a hard thing to let go of. We all fear the consequences whether good or bad. As a result our faith is weakened when we resist the Lord’s bidding.

    In my case, unemployment is a stigma that cannot be remedied. My wife has an unknown nerve illness at this time; she is off work for a while and demands I get a job to replace hers. (the illness may be extreme stress since no signs of anything on MRI or bloodwork) So I need to double my efforts. So, 2 X (no interviews in 5 years) =zero. The respect issue here is unique. Often our special needs kids-issues take all our time and we cannot fight or argue long enough to conclude anything. I suppose neither of our needs are ever met.
    I will not be directing her here. She needs to find it on her own. Since she does not see a problem, why look for respect web blogs?

    AND, for the guy who directed his wife to this blog, he should look for ways to love his wife better by seeking blogs on that issue. Fair is fair. Humbling attitudes require action.

    I most certainly see my wife’s need; I need to find a job. This alone will remedy all the disrespect I ever encounter with her. However, I am over 50, so is she. It has been 6 years. We have been wed for 30. Hope is a luxury now, even as our income has dropped. (this is only the tip of family and special needs issues; thank God gas prices dropped) She needs to rely on me and a successful income, which is elusive and most certainly damaged our character and my faith in God. It may be that I am a good man and a good husband in some things. But even in this post-modern world, a woman needs a strong man…strong in several things by means of a job with an adequate income. For all the praying people in our life and her overwhelming use of time for prayer requests on Facebook, things remain the same. For most, that is a good thing. Then later in the week my autistic son ran away at 2 AM, police found him, then my missing mentally ill daughter (26) called…imagine this, take a breath, because it’s not over.

    Like

    • SimplyK
      September 20, 2015 at 10:10 am #

      Isn’t it sad that your mentality is in the right place but the financial end can’t seem to align and in my experience, all the money that my husband makes does me no good as his wife? His money means nothing to me when I can’t be given $20 because it’s his, not mine, and I can’t even be given the right to just be at peace in my own house or in doing anything because my husband is, in his own estimation, worthy of a woman that is so much better than me and never fails to let me know that. The irony hurts.

      Jeff, I am so sorry to hear of the pain in your marriage, the hurts and very real struggle of unemployment that you and your precious wife are enduring. I pray that God will send a blessing in a mighty way that only He can.

      Like

Thanks for joining the discussion. :)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: