Submitting Under Protest

Whether you believe your husband is watching “too much TV,”  shouldn’t look at certain things, is working more than you think he should, is not “involved enough” with the children,  is not “making you a priority” the way you want him to, or whatever the issue is – if you respond to him by yelling at him and demanding that he do what you want him to do,  that is going to be a destructive approach every time.  Not to mention – if we are yelling and screaming at our husbands – we are sinning against God and against our husbands ourselves.  That is NOT ok!  If God’s Spirit is in control of our lives, we will have His self-control and gentleness.

Here is one Christian brother’s perspective on this issue (he was responding to a particular wife’s situation – but I believe his counsel applies in many situations) that may help us to understand a lot better why approaching our husbands with demands and disrespect won’t work and is damaging to the marriage and to our husbands:

THE BLESSING OF A HUSBAND REFUSING TO RESPOND TO OUR YELLING AND SCREAMING AT THEM TO CHANGE

You should realize there is a silver lining in this for you, that you have not quite noticed yet. And that is the fact that your husband is not submitting to you, especially given the nature of how you are addressing him. If he was falling all over himself to please and supplicate to you, you would end up despising him.

So for now, he is keeping the peace by not directly challenging you, but he not bowing to your demands. 

  • For a woman to use insistence and demands to get her man in line is really no different than a man using similar tactics to get her to be intimate. Would you want to be bullied into sex? I think not.

Now, about his actions, if what you say is true (and it might be, perhaps he needs to stop looking at those women on the TV.

But God is not a God of shortcuts, and God will not give you means to bypass his means and methods, and simply order your husband around like a child. If you want what you want, you are going to have to get it the “hard way.”  God’s way.  And done in Christian LOVE, but love for both of you.

  • What you might not be seeing is the kind of emotional violence you may be doing to your husband. You may feel completely justified in what you want, but bludgeoning him with scolding and shaming is neither loving nor respectful.

Let’s also realize an uncomfortable but truthful reality. Your husband is probably bigger and stronger than you. Do you notice that he does not use that physical superiority to control you? Some men do. Most women have zero chance in a physical altercation with a man. But on the flipside, women have the power to bludgeon with words in a way that many men do not.

So, in some households, the women are swinging away with their verbal and emotional fists, while their husband locks himself up, suffering the evil of being abused, and having no way to respond without being called an abuser himself. 

SUBMITTING UNDER PROTEST

And as I have said before, it is perfectly acceptable for a wife to submit “under protest”.

Like love, it is a decision, not a feeling. An act of one’s will.

In fact, submitting while respectfully protesting is better than just shutting up, since if you stifle your feelings, he may never pick up on the fact that there are things making you sad or hurt.

I’ll never forget what that pastor’s wife said (when he disagreed with her about something important):

  • “I am going to be a blessing to you no matter what you do”.

He said is was like a punch to the gut. I’m sure David felt the same way when he got called out for killing Uriah.

AN ANALOGY

I don’t want the following to seem like I am comparing women to children, because that is not the intent.

Many parents, especially mothers, have had their kids try the “I hate you, I hate you, I wish I had a different mom”, or some other tactic when they don’t get their way on something.

At first glance, some people might think that the pain a mom feels when she hears this is because her child is claiming to hate her. But this misses the reality of the situation. She knows her child, in fact, does not hate her.

The pain comes from realizing that someone you love would so frivolously use such painful words against you. The child, in this situation, knows they don’t hate their mother. But they want their way so intensely, that they are willing to use a tactic like this.

The child does not really consider the parent’s feelings, because mom (or dad) is so big, so tough, and the kid thinks “I can say this and it won’t matter.” So, the kid is venting their anger, or trying to manipulate, but is blind to the pain they cause, and the costs that are being incurred.

Similarly, some women tend to think of men as tough, unemotional, unreachable, etc. So such a “nuclear” tactic seems harmless to them. Similarly, some women tend to think of men as tough, unemotional, unreachable, etc. So such a “nuclear” tactic seems harmless to them.

Just as God gave men physical strength to use to bless their families through protection and provision, he gave women emotional skills to build up their husbands and children. A man should never use his God-given strength as a weapon against his wife, and a woman should never use her emotional skills as a weapon against her husband.

 

FROM PEACEFULWIFE:

A wife can and should share her ideas, her concerns, her feelings, and her perspective with her husband about things that are important to her and the family. If her husband hears her thoughts and feelings but decides not to do what she believes should be done, a wife can say something like:

  • “Thank you for listening to me. I really appreciate you taking my feelings and thoughts into account. I will cooperate with your decision even though I do not agree with you.”
  • “Honey, I respect that you are the head of our home. Thank you for your leadership. Thank you for listening to my concerns. I will submit – but I am submitting under protest.”

When a husband knows his wife is willing to follow his leadership even though she disagrees, it will likely give him pause. Most husbands who are feeling respected and honored care very much about their wives’ happiness. Most husbands trust and respect their wives and don’t want to make a bad decision for the family or do anything to jeopardize their wives’ trust and faith. Husbands do have a duty and responsibility to God for the decisions they make, they will stand accountable to Him. But a wife can make her position clear in a humble, gentle, respectful, cooperative way without arguing.

Advertisements

67 Comments on “Submitting Under Protest”

  1. jack
    January 7, 2014 at 2:14 am #

    For what will probably be the only time in my life, I feel like a parent.

    Like

    • peacefulwife
      January 7, 2014 at 7:22 am #

      Jack,
      Thank you SO MUCH for allowing me to share your explanation of this powerful concept. 🙂

      Like

      • liz
        March 1, 2014 at 2:31 am #

        Hi peacefulwife! Thank you for all the amazing advice on this blog. Can you perhaps provide a few practical steps on how to ‘submit under protest’? my main challenge currently is having peaceful disagreements with my husband. when i disagree in important issues, it seems that no matter how respectfully i try to disagree, it leads to tension, arguments or fights with my husband. in such situations, what is the exact why i can ‘submit in protest’? also, can you advise on when to disagree, when to keep quiet and perhaps some tips on how to peacefully, respectfully disagree?
        i apologize for all the questions, this blog has been SO helpful. i have really been struggling with the issues in my comment so any advice from u would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!!! 🙂

        Like

        • peacefulwife
          March 1, 2014 at 6:59 am #

          Liz,

          Would you like to give me an example of an issue, and I can give you a suggestion or two? Ultimately, you will have to listen to God’s Spirit to know exactly what to say, when to be quiet, when to share, etc… But if you want to give me an example, we could walk through it together and I will be glad to give you some ideas. But then, it will be up to you to listen carefully to God to know what He wants you to do specifically. 🙂

          Like

          • liz
            March 1, 2014 at 7:37 pm #

            thanks so much dear sister! i will try to think of a specific example and get back you. in the mean time, your advice of carefully listening to God is very helpful!

            Like

      • Jackie Wolmer
        February 1, 2016 at 4:10 pm #

        I wrote to you about skirts vs slacks, jeans,…. my husband and I did not go to this length to categorize each other… simply he was the head of our home, I was the heart. He understood that in the most essential way. He knew he may always see the logic, and I would see the spirit, or emotion. If couples understand this, “two heads are better than one” is true. His from logic, mine from emotion, both sides of a question. I would never have had to say to him, “I disagree but you are the head of the house.” In saying that I would plainly have been challenging the assumption that he was the head of the home and he had made the correct decision. There were times when I felt he had not, but most of the time it was fine anyway. There were also times when he said, “I did not listen well.”, or :I should have asked you for more thoughts.” It was never a contest of wills nor on either of our parts SUBMITTING! It was recognition of our roles, and the relationship God gave us in our marriage.

        Like

        • Peacefulwife
          February 1, 2016 at 5:31 pm #

          Jackie,

          Both husband and wife are completely essential and have critical contributions to make. We are a team! We are one body. Both are most necessary. I like the head and heart analogy. 🙂

          If you have found a way that works for you, that is wonderful. Sometimes different personalities prefer a slightly different approach. But I can see how what you are describing could work beautifully for those who have an unspoken understanding already.

          Wise husbands will care very much about their wives’ input, feelings, and concerns. The wife is to be the husband’s most trusted advisor and dearest, most cherished and loved friend.

          Thanks for sharing! I’m glad this was an easier thing for y’all than it sometimes is for others.

          Much love!

          Like

      • Jackie WOlmer
        February 1, 2016 at 4:20 pm #

        Another thing about this “submissive” idea: In the First People cultures, there is not husband or wife, there is “WALK BESIDE”. This to me is what Jesus, Gibran (author of the Prophet), and most religions teach regarding marriage. It is not a submission of one to the other, it is a partnership of one to the other. In the partnership we each have our strengths and weaknesses, our experiences, our knowledge and our ways. In a partnership where one is weak, the other can use their strength, our experiences, our knowledge, and our ways are woven together to make the tapestry which is our life together. Our shared life, our life beside each other. To me “Walk Beside” or “Partner” explains the marriage which most conforms to what I interpret Jesus told us. W

        Like

        • Peacefulwife
          February 1, 2016 at 5:38 pm #

          Jackie,

          The New Testament is all about Jesus and His teachings. The apostles epistles carry the weight of being the words of God/Jesus. It is about a partnership – being one body. It is about cooperating, loving unconditionally, extending trust and respect. It is about helping each other in our weaknesses and sharing our strengths selflessly.

          God’s design for marriage in the Bible does include the concept of loving, humble, selfless authority for husbands and willing, intelligent, cooperative respect/submission for wives. Ephesians 5:22-33, Colossians 3:17-19, I Peter 3:1-7, Even in Genesis 2-3.

          I realize that biblical submission is not a popular concept. I think it can easily be distorted in destructive ways – which is why I have so many posts about this topic. But I also believe that God’s Word – the Bible – is true and authoritative and that His design is good. Marriage is very much about walking beside each other – but when there is a disagreement, the husband is responsible and accountable to God to make the final call. My blog is primarily for wives who have tended to be Type A, take charge, and do things themselves kind of personalities. So, sometimes I talk about things just to give women a reference and framework for how a situation could be approached in a way that would honor her husband’s leadership because when that is a brand new concept, it can be difficult to figure these kinds of issues out.

          I like the head/heart analogy. That is really beautiful.

          Like

    • Space Welch
      June 10, 2015 at 2:14 pm #

      Jack,
      I assume you are the Christian brother quoted here? I absolutely loved what you wrote and how you explained it. I just posted this to my FB page because I loved it so much. About 15 years ago, my husband and I underwent such a change as was almost comparable to be saved all over again. I guess, in actuality, that my marriage was saved at that point. It all rooted from a dear sister sharing the biblical principle of submission with me and from that point on, I saw the kind of change, immediately, that is spoken about in 1 Peter 3. It gave me a passion for the art of submission and at some point I may write a book about it. If I ever do write that, how would you feel about me quoting you in it, if I felt so led, and if so, how would I contact you when the time comes? Thanks so, so much for sharing your words with us. Very insightful!

      Like

  2. Anna
    March 16, 2014 at 8:54 am #

    Hello, April!

    It’s Anna, I wrote to you some time ago, regarding me and husband living with his grandparents in a small flat and issues with his grandmother. Thank God (and I pray it would stay that way), things with his grandmother have gotten so, so, so much better, she recently even wished good things for me. Now, the thing that drags me down is my homesickness. I come from a different country, I went home for a visit and now after one month since coming back I am still having blues. I am yearning for home. Three years on, I still haven’t really adapted, especially as I have to stay inside often due to my working from home. I tried to work outside of home, but it turned out that financially it would be better still working from home. On Friday I got a letter from my friend from my home country with pictures of us together, and it evoked mixed feelings of happiness and sadness at the same time.

    I had plans for weekend to get distracted, but my husband told me he wanted us to stay home, and that was the last straw, I lost it. I exploded right in his face. I was hysterical. I apologized later on, but I feel a complete failure now. He told me he hoped I had really become less bad-tempered, but it was still all there. I agreed to stay at home, eventually, I asked my husband to forgive me, I prayed to God and repented in my idols, but I feel so bad. I wish to do God’s will, but at times It is so painful to just get on with the day, sometimes I am afraid it will not get better.

    Regards,
    Anna

    Like

    • peacefulwife
      March 16, 2014 at 3:56 pm #

      Anna,
      I am so glad that you and his grandma are doing better! praise God!!!

      I assume your husband knows you are homesick? How have things been between the two of you? He are things going with God?

      Looking back, how could you have responded in a way that you were vulnerable and shared your needs and desires but also honored God and your husband?

      I wish I could hug your neck!!!!

      Much love
      April

      Like

      • Anna
        March 17, 2014 at 10:49 am #

        April,
        Things are good between me and my husband, but whenever I get upset because of homesickness, he becomes sad as he thinks that he doesn’t do things right for me. I keep telling him that I draw a distinctive line between him and his home country, but he doesn’t quite get that. My husband tells me that we won’t necessary stay in his country later on, but he wants to get a confirmation from God.

        I am leaning onto God right now, though last couple of days have been hectic, and that was when I slipped. Now I know that I have to be more vigilant as devil won’t hesitate to attack when I get distracted.

        I presume I should learn self-control and even if things don’t go my way for the time being I shouldn’t view it as the end of the world. I need to learn to talk to my husband in a calm and respectful manner, so then he hopefully will be more attentive to my needs as well.

        Thank you for encouragement!
        God bless!

        Like

        • peacefulwife
          March 17, 2014 at 11:07 am #

          Anna,

          Husbands tend to measure their success as husbands by the happiness of their wives. Not that they should! But they often do. So when you are sad and upset, he feels like a failure as a husband to you. It’s not that you can’t tell him that you are sad or homesick. You can. But be sure not to blame him and also be sure to thank him for all he is doing for you. Share what you need gently and respectfully. And as you continue to grow in Christ, God’s Spirit will be in more and more control and He is able to give you the power of self-control even when you don’t get your way!

          Much love!

          Like

  3. Jeff
    April 26, 2014 at 4:37 am #

    I guess you could say I am rebelling against my wife; today she asked if I could call the mechanic (about our vans $4k new-engine bill) She had called him in protest over the expensive new engine bill and he said he would crunch the numbers. I told her I didn’t feel like calling him. She was shocked over the phone with me when I said this. Just not used to me disobeying her orders. We still as yet have not discussed it.
    we both agree; no money.

    Like

    • peacefulwife
      April 26, 2014 at 7:15 am #

      Jeff,

      Most wives do not realize what they are doing that is disrespectful. I don’t know if you have told her when you feel disrespected? But, sometimes even when husbands do try to share, wives don’t “get it” because they don’t think in terms of respect at all. They generally think in terms of “love.” Something like undermining you by calling him herself to protest the bill is not something most wives would recognize would be disrespectful unless they have spent extensive amounts of time studying respect/disrespect in marriage.

      A wife may need her husband to explicitly point out, “If you ask me to do something, and then you go do it before I can get to it, that feels disrespectful to me.” Or, it may be more impactful to use a word other than disrespect because so many wives don’t “click” with that word. The word “hurtful” or “unloving” may get your point across more powerfully to her.

      “If you ask me to do something, please let me take care of it. It is hurtful to me if you go ahead and handle something that I am planning to do. If you do take the responsibility away from me like this, then please do not ask me to handle it again. I will allow you to handle it from then on if you do not trust me to take care of it. When you show that you don’t trust me, it really hurts.”

      That may make more sense to her.

      But keep in mind, a wife who seems controlling and disrespectful to her husband – is primarily operating in “fear” mode. She also doesn’t generally understand how men think. To a woman, if someone jumps in to help – that can be seen as being loving. So it can be extremely confusing to a woman that a man would feel disrespected when she views it as she was “helping.”

      Another fantastic resource that really helped me understand my husband (and my husband better understand me) was Shaunti Feldhahn’s book “For Women Only” and her book with her husband “For Men Only.”

      Like

      • peacefulwife
        April 26, 2014 at 7:22 am #

        Jeff,
        PS
        If you read “When She Surrendered” at the top of my home page, there are a number of comments from husbands who have similar issues in their marriages. Some of them talk about ways they try to approach it. I also offered some possible suggestions and ways I have seen husbands broach these topics before.

        I believe it is important for you to share with her what hurts you and what feels disrespectful – as you show her that you still love and accept her and are committed to her and the marriage. She will need a lot of love, encouragement, affirmation and hope that you will not give up on her and that you will be patient as she learns – because learning these things requires a complete and total renovation of a wife’s heart, mind and soul. And it is excruciatingly painful to begin this journey to become a godly, respectful, biblically submissive wife. She will need your gentle leadership and godly example.

        You can also share with her that you want to lead the family as God has ordained you to – I Corinthians 11:3, that you want to take the weight and pressure off of her and that you desire her to cooperate with your leadership even though you understand that it is very scary for a woman at first to begin to do this. Her fear may have little to do with you. The more you can talk about God’s sovereignty and God’s design for marriage, the better – I believe. There are are two posts from a minister at my church at the top of my home page that may be something you can talk with her about or ask her to please read “Spiritual Authority” and “A Husband’s and a Wife’s Authority in Marriage” that are a great building block to begin with.

        And, David Platt’s Biblical Manhood and Biblical Womanhood sermon series is fantastic! You can find it at http://www.radical.net or on Youtube.

        Maybe she would be willing to listen to some of these things? Most wives love reading marriage books and materials. And a lot of wives are thrilled when their husband suggests these things. But even if she isn’t excited, you can still say, “I would like for you to read/watch this, please. I want us to have a more solid foundation for our marriage. I want us to honor God. I think there are things we can do that will benefit and bless us both and our children, as we learn to do this God’s way.”

        Like

  4. Jeff
    May 3, 2014 at 10:52 pm #

    what do I do? My older son (young adult) returned from jail and is supposed to be here and finish probation work and then drug rehab. He claims we were real bad parents. My wife is taking this badly. I know its him coming off the drugs. Here it is: my wife stepped in front of me while I argued with him-he yelling, me being calm-she demanded I leave the room in order to “talk sense into him.” (again). I did not leave and quietly said, “do you know who I am? she turned back to continue but stood directly in front of me….he left the next morning, she is fatigued wants to know why half our kids hate us. I explained things from my own wisdom…we’ll see. her disrespect of me is not known to her. I’m devising a way to speak of this…
    the battle lines are being drawn.

    Like

    • peacefulwife
      May 3, 2014 at 11:13 pm #

      Jeff,
      She doesn’t know what she is doing, to you or the kids. She is not the enemy, but you both have a very real enemy. I pray God will give you His wisdom and that He will open her eyes.

      It is ok to say, “God has given me the position of spiritual authority in this family. I want to honor Him and do what is right in His eyes to the best of my ability. I know you have tried to be in charge, but, I have been wrong not to take full responsibility for this family. Please allow me to handle our son. Please do not tell me to leave in front of him when I am seeking to be the godly father God has called me to be to him, even if you don’t agree. You don’t have to agree with me. But it is very disrespectful and hurtful to me and our children and our marriage if you undermine my authority in front of our children. If you have concerns, I am glad to hear you in private later if you can approach me respectfully about them. This is hard. I hate that our son is struggling with drugs. He needs his father’s influence right now. You cannot be his father. That is my job, you can be his mother. But he needs a father and a mother. Our approaches will be different. That does not mean I am wrong. I need you to show that you support my parental authority so that we stand in unity in front of the kids, or they are going to divide and conquer us. I need you to honor my authority as a father, please. I know you are scared. I know you are hurting. We sll are hurting. Let’s trust God together that He, in His sovereignty, will turn this situation around for His glory and our ultimate good.”

      If you would like, you could look up “respecting our husbands as fathers” and print it out for her.

      She needs to know you love her, even though she is unwittingly disrespecting you. She needs to feel heard. But she also needs your godly leadership and the wisdom God gives you as you seek Him with all your heart. Your children need to see y’all living out God’s design, too. They are learning to submit to and respect God-given authority, your authority and her authority by her example of biblical submission and respect for you. And they are learning who God is and what He is like from your example, your character, your words, your love, your discipline, your tone of voice… Everything you do.

      Praying for all of you!

      Like

      • peacefulwife
        May 3, 2014 at 11:19 pm #

        Jeff,
        PS,
        I am not saying I know what you should say to your wife. This is just an example. I trust God to give you the words, the timing, His power, His truth, His Spirit and to overcome the strongholds of sin and the enemy that are operating in your home and family.

        Like

        • Jeff
          May 4, 2014 at 2:25 pm #

          Ok. She now claims that I am a threat to autistic 19 yr old son. Yet we are in reparative therapy where he and I are doing well. She just taking protective mother thing too far. I have never been a threat and have no history of being one. I asked her not to interrupt my directions to him. Our conflict in front of him causes him big anxiety. She thinks she is protecting him from my not being “nice enough”

          Like

          • peacefulwife
            May 4, 2014 at 2:59 pm #

            Jeff,
            That is what moms do, try to protect their children, even from their fathers. If we don’t understand disrespect/respect and biblical submission… She may not understand that your perspective is different, not wrong. And that God gave husbands/fathers a different perspective because children need both parents’ influences and perspectives.

            Praying for wisdom for you.

            Like

          • peacefulwife
            May 4, 2014 at 4:02 pm #

            Jeff,
            I corrected my last response.

            Like

  5. Beth
    May 17, 2014 at 3:29 am #

    Thank you so much for writing this! It has made my mind so much clearer! My husband and I have been struggling with arguments for a long time because I have a temper that I have a difficult time controlling. I get angry with him very quickly and I cannot calm down once I am yelling and screaming at him, which makes him feel disrespected, hated, and abused. I often realize that I do not even fully realize why I am angry at him until I am screaming at him, that is how bad my temper is. I struggle with migraines, and I am currently taking Topamax for them (I am up to 50 mg/day so far, I just started Topamax 2 weeks ago), and my husband and I thought that my mood swings may be caused by the migraines in part. Since starting the Topamax, I feel much better physically, and mentally, my moods are better and I really am trying to exercise patience and self control, but there are still things that bother me and I still find myself having times when I am very irritable and my temper is very bad. Just today, we had a very bad fight, and my husband got very upset and I hurt his feelings very badly. I don’t want our marriage to continue like this, so I sought out your blog for some advice. I found your blog a while ago, but never really read much on it. Today I read many of your articles, but I mostly watched your videos. You have opened my eyes to what kind of wife I should be to my husband, and the kind of wife that I really thought I have been all along. The things that you write about and talk about in your videos are difficult because of my pride and because I do not want to lose my voice. I really do not want to lose my husband though. This article in particular gives me the strength, in addition to God’s strength, to submit to my husband, even though the idea scares me and I don’t really WANT to. I want the outcome of submitting without having to submit. What can I do to get through the beginnings of the submission process? I know it will get easier, but what will make it easier? Are there things that you learned that made it easier for you to keep your temper in check?
    Thank you so much!

    Like

    • peacefulwife
      May 17, 2014 at 7:26 am #

      Beth,

      When we are in a lot of pain, that definitely makes it easier for us to get irritated and angry. I’m a pharmacist, and I can vouch for that being true for most people!

      I’m glad you are feeling much better physically. I know that will help things so much.

      I’m really glad this article has been helpful for you. That makes me smile – you want the outcome of submitting without actually having to submit. Don’t we all????

      Submission goes completely against our sinful nature, our godless culture and our human wisdom. But it is God’s wisdom and His design. It is what God uses to inspire men to become more godly leaders. This is how you become a partner with your husband and with God to bring healing, power, strength and blessing to your marriage. It takes a strong woman to submit – to honor her husband’s leadership and to trust God’s sovereignty to work through her husband for her best interests in the big picture.

      The key to having my temper in check is to submit myself fully to Christ first – to repent of every single sin: pride, unforgiveness, bitterness, self-righteousness, resentment, gossip, idolatry of self/of my husband/of being in control, etc… and then abiding in Christ. I have to be in His Word OFTEN! I need His Spirit’s power flowing full blast in me or I cannot do this godly wife thing at all. It is ALL about Him living in me and empowering me and about my sinful nature being dead and buried with Christ.

      The Normal Christian Life by Watchman Nee is a fantastic book that helps us to understand the great theological truths of Romans – how to live out being “in Christ.”

      Much love!

      Like

  6. Pam
    May 31, 2014 at 10:28 pm #

    I have been married for a very long time (over 30 years) and I am grateful for a good husband as he is a great provider and he is a homebody. He attends church and tries to live to please God.
    My problem is that he is very controlling. It is not on purpose; I think it is a byproduct of his personality. He tends to be rigid and very black and white.
    He tends to “think for both of us” as I put it and just make decisions without discussion, and he does it quietly, just acts on it. If I do confront, he simply shuts down or dodges me.
    I do not like being treated as though only he can think, and that’s what it feels like.
    I do understand about submission and how it allows us to be a team, but he is not a team player, a wonderful guy, but not very trusting of others and only thinks he knows whats what
    So far I’ve been able to ride this out but I have to admit, I’m getting tired. I feel like I’m in a box at times.
    I know I should just be thankful for my blessings but its very hard not to want a better adult to adult relationship

    Like

  7. ~Jackie~
    August 12, 2014 at 10:38 am #

    Wow this was powerful! Big eye opener. Thank you so much!!

    Like

  8. Elle
    September 1, 2014 at 10:01 pm #

    My father was a “Godly” man. My mother was completely submissive to him. I remember her never having a say in anything and never standing up for us (my siblings) out of fear when my dad would have one of his power rages. He did everything he wanted just because he knew he could get away with it since he was the man. My mom wasn’t even allowed to have her own job or car. It completely ruined our family when she finally had a mental breakdown and left us. This was 10 years ago. Now as a recently married woman I am so scarred from seeing how my mother was treated all those years, I ended up the complete opposite of her. My father in law says he vaguely remembers my mother looking like a fragile doll that was ready to break. There couldn’t be a better description. She was completely broken inside. I am so afraid of being mistreated that I have defensive walls up and don’t want anyone telling me what to do. I don’t want to submit to my husband out of fear of going through what my mother did, which to me was abuse. This is not a good mix for my passive husband and I truly fear for our marriage. I want it to work, but I feel like damaged goods. I don’t know what to do.

    Like

    • Peacefulwife
      September 2, 2014 at 6:55 am #

      Elle,

      What you are describing with your father is not godliness. A godly man does not rage or lord his position of God-given authority over his wife and family. A godly man cares very much about his wife’s feelings, needs and desires and seeks to do what is best for her above what he wants for himself.

      A godly wife who submits in a biblical way comes from a position of strength and God’s power, not from a position of weakness and slavery to her husband. Please check out this post.

      Fortunately for you, you married a more passive husband and men who tend toward passivity almost never become raging and controlling.

      We are ALL damaged goods. We all must throw away what we learned from our sinful parents and sinful culture and rebuild on the Word of God, the Bible, alone.

      I have tons and tons of posts here that I believe will help you.

      I am praying for you!

      Please check out the posts at the top of my home page – they are a great place to start.

      And please check out my latest post on my blog for single women “What things are in your keep and throw away pile?” at http://www.peacefulsinglegirl.wordpress.com

      I’m glad to walk this journey with you!

      What is your relationship with Christ?
      What is your husband’s relationship with Christ?

      Much love to you!

      Like

  9. Tara
    October 17, 2014 at 7:03 am #

    I am wondering how to deal with an issue in particular that has been causing much stress here in our home, my husband makes me do all the discipline of our young daughters and last night we had a big arguement because he told my daughter if she did not obey what he said she would be punished, then did not carry through on what he said he would do, I not so nicely pointed that out (I was wrong) this child has been having a very bad attitude if late and requiring much time and discipline and I was upset to see him say if you don’t do a then b will occur and completely not carry through. When I said what I did he demanded I go give the punishment he said he was going to do…..this has happened quite a few times he tells one of the children to do something, they don’t he issues punshment and demands I enforce it. I told him this bothers me because it feels like I am being made to do the difficult things he would rather not deal with, second it makes me the bad guy because mom is always the one who has to punish and dad doesn’t, third I am very confused at to whether this is Biblical. I am being out in situations where I am commanded (by my husband) to discipline a child in the way he demands when at times he is unreasonable and harsh.

    How do I deal with this in obedience to God and be submissive when I also have to be sure we are traininig up our children consistently and in the love of the LORD?

    Like

    • Peacefulwife
      October 19, 2014 at 12:22 pm #

      Tara,

      This is difficult. And frustrating for everyone, I am sure.

      How was discipline handled in your husband’s family as he was growing up?

      How was discipline handled by your parents?

      Did you approach him privately?

      Please search my home page for “respecting our husbands as fathers.”

      After thou prayerfully read that post, what do you believe God may be promoting you to do differently, my precious sister?

      Much love,
      April

      Like

      • jeff
        October 19, 2014 at 8:50 pm #

        Shouldn’t feel too bad on discipline since my wife falsely accuses me of being harsh and calling names of my 20 year old autistic son. In therapy for my son, I and him talk about this and he tells the therapist that I am being ok. To no avail, she still believes I am victimizing him.

        Like

        • Peacefulwife
          October 20, 2014 at 9:46 am #

          Jeff,

          Thankfully, you are ultimately accountable to Christ, not to your wife. Her feelings and concerns are important, of course. But, they are not the source of absolute truth and you will answer only to God, not to her, when this life is over. Praying for God to give you wisdom about how to live that you might live in His power and have no regrets. Praying for His encouragement, strength, courage, peace, joy and direction for you. Praying for healing for you, your wife, your children and your marriage. And for God to make something incredibly beautiful for His kingdom from this painful trial.

          Like

  10. Genet
    November 27, 2014 at 12:24 am #

    Would you be able to give some PRACTICAL examples of submitting under protest ? What does this look like ?

    Like

    • Peacefulwife
      November 27, 2014 at 10:58 am #

      I have quite a few posts about this. You can search “submission” and “submit” on my home page.
      And you can look through the timeline at the top of my home page for titles of posts.

      If you have specific issues, I would be glad to talk about ideas to prayerfully consider.

      Like

  11. Jenn
    December 14, 2014 at 12:37 am #

    Hi PeacefulWife,

    I absolutely adore your blogs! Thank you SO much for them!!! 😀 I did notice that there are a few grammatical errors here and there, and some of them have confused me a bit as to what you really meant (I generally try and ignore grammatical errors: my husband has learning disabilities and after we got married, I learned how disrespectful [and NOT helpful] it was when I corrected his grammar). I was wondering if you would be interested in having someone help out with proofreading/editing your blogs for grammatical errors. I’m not an expert and don’t expect to be paid for it; I was just thinking it might be a nice way to return the blessings you’ve given me by your insights… and a way for me to read some more of your wonderful blogs!!! 😀

    I’m aware that you have a TON of comments and it’s probably impossible to get through all of them, so if you see this, I will consider it a small miracle in and of itself. 🙂

    I was watching your videos (and my husband was “amen”-ing… hehe) and I told him, “You like it when I read her blog and watch her videos, huh?” and he was like, “Yeah! I think it’s great!” and I told him that if I could meet ANYONE on youtube or on a blog, it would be you. 🙂 I seriously wish I could be your personal assistant or something, just because I feel I have so much I could learn from you. Do I realize you’re still human? Yes. I don’t think I have you up on a pedestal. It’s just that when you see a woman so in love with the Lord and committed to His Word, it’s magnetic! 😀

    Anyhow, I just wanted to say how thankful I am that you’re here to help us learn to live out our faith in every area of our lives – including marriage.

    God bless you,

    Jenn

    Like

    • Peacefulwife
      December 14, 2014 at 6:28 pm #

      Jenn,
      You are so generous!!! I can’t wait to have more time to respond later, my precious sister!

      Like

    • Peacefulwife
      December 15, 2014 at 6:42 am #

      Jenn,

      You are definitely welcome to help me with proofreading. 🙂 Thank you so much for the encouragement and your generous offer! I praise God for what He is doing in your heart! How I pray that He alone might be greatly exalted.

      Like

  12. Crystal
    June 5, 2015 at 11:55 am #

    April,
    This is going to be a long one, but I need to explain our backgrounds to give you better insight into our situation.

    My husband and I have been married for 6 years. I was raised on a large cattle ranch on one side of the state, and he was raised on a small acreage on the other side of the state. When we met and decided to marry, we sat down and made goals that included raising our kids in the country and in the ranching lifestyle. Four years ago we moved back to my family’s ranch and my husband worked for my father on the ranch. We still lived about 30 minutes from my parents, so there was enough separation that we weren’t in their back yard/business and vise versa.

    My husband accepted Christ a few months before we were married and has grown a ton in his faith since that time. However, he still has a long way to go as far as spiritually leading our family. The side of the state he grew up on is mountainous and he is an avid hunter and fisherman. The side of the state I am from and that the ranch is on I guess you could consider us “flat landers”. My husband is an avid outdoorsman, he lives for hunting and fishing. The ranching lifestyle is 24/7, with very few times off and my husband grew up with more regular hours where once you clock out, you can go fishing/hunting every night and have every weekend off.
    For the past four years that he worked on the family ranch, his mind was constantly on hunting and his lack of getting to enjoy the things he used to. However, there were many positives, we were raising our two young children out in the country where we could work with my husband much of the time. The kids had cats, dogs, chickens, horses, and constantly got to be out in and enjoying God’s creation. My husband was resentful and refused to enjoy this lifestyle because it cut into his hunting time. It also affected his performance on the job, as his mind was never really on his work. I always felt that by saying something was disrespectful and I wanted to build him up instead.
    Six months ago, my dad started to have serious heart related health issues and can no longer work the ranch like he has. My oldest brother is now leasing the ranch to alleviate the stress and work load from my dad. My husband had the option to work for my brother, but declined as he felt he was being pushed off the ranch.
    So six months ago we moved back to his home town. For 3 1/2 months we lived with his parents until we could find something to rent. Our rental is in town on a busy street and next to the rail road tracks…A complete 180 from how I wanted to raise our kids! The quality of life for our kids is vastly different. We don’t have any of our pets or animals and finding something out of town with acreage is simply out of our price range. My husband is making decent money, so he is providing for us financially. To be honest, my heart is on the ranch. Working in agriculture and living that lifestyle is something that I am very passionate about. I feel that all of that has been stripped away from me. I honestly know that I am depressed, I cry everyday and feel that I am not living…just existing. My oldest is 4 and she still cries almost everyday because she also misses the ranch and her home. ( I do try very hard not to project how I am feeling onto my kids).
    My husband is mostly content, he is back in his comfort zone going to work at set hours and having lots of time off to do what he enjoys. He has no desire to return to the ranch or the lifestyle and just closes up and gets angry when I try to discuss other options with him. I feel that I am lost, that I have lost all that I am and lost all that I wanted my children to become. I am trying with everything I have to let my husband lead our family and to be submissive to his authority. I do want him to be happy, but I just don’t believe that his happiness is the only one that should matter. I need advice on how to talk to him without crying my heart out. I lay next to him every night and cry myself to sleep. I want him to understand how much I am hurting and how much has changed for the kids too. I feel like we had it all and he let it all slip away so that he can enjoy his hobbies. I have been a Christian since I was nine and never thought I would say this, but I am honestly to the point where I can’t do this anymore, something has got to change. Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated.
    Thank you so much for listening!
    ~Crystal

    Like

    • Peacefulwife
      June 6, 2015 at 2:28 pm #

      Crystal,

      Goodness – so your choices are to live where you are miserable or to live where he is miserable? Yuck!

      How is your walk with Christ going?

      Do you trust God to lead you through your husband and do you believe that God is able to change your husbands’ heart and mind if it is His will?

      What do you pray for about this situation?

      I’m sending you the biggest hug! And praying for you to be still at God’s feet and to hear His voice clearly and to be content in whatever situation He desires you to be at the moment, resting in His sovereignty and peace.

      Much love to you!

      Like

  13. Katie
    June 25, 2015 at 2:51 pm #

    Hi PeacefulWife,

    My husband and I had an argument the other day over the age our children should be allowed to play certain video games. In the end this was left unsettled as he thinks they can start younger then I do. I don’t think certain video games should be played at all, but I thought I was compromising by saying at least at a certain age. When it was all said and done, he felt disrespected and that I won’t let him lead and don’t trust him. Is this an example of when I would submit under protest? I just worry the effects that some games have and am unsure if this is something I should let go of because of this.

    Thanks for your help!

    Katie

    Like

    • Peacefulwife
      June 25, 2015 at 2:56 pm #

      Katie,

      That is a situation where I would (and have) submitted under protest. If it were up to me, we wouldn’t have any TV or video games in our home. I don’t like them! But, I am trusting God to lead our children through Greg and he does allow them to play some video games.

      This would be a time to share your concerns and then to say, “Honey, I don’t agree with them playing this at this age. But I trust you to make the best decision for our children’s spiritual health. I will honor your decision about this issue even though I disagree.”

      Like

      • Katie
        July 3, 2015 at 11:33 pm #

        Thank you for your response, it is very encouraging to hear your advice and to know I’m not alone with this kind of thing! It’s hard to know sometimes if I’m on the right track or not, so it is helpful to hear how you wouldhave dealt with that situation.

        Like

  14. Miriam
    July 3, 2015 at 4:11 am #

    Hi,
    I have been trying to heal my relationship with my husband as he feels so controlled and disrespected by me. I have tried to be a respectful wife with your wonderful advice, andI have found your site extremely helpful.

    However I would like some advice on how to disagree respectfully about a potential female friend he has at work. I am jealous but on the other hand she is very attractive, has no children and is divorced. She also has an ill mother to deal with and my husband has been trying to help her. He sais he doesn’t talk with her about us but he does chat about what we do over the weekends. He says I don’t trust him and won’t submit to my forbidding him to make her a friend of his. She sent a birthday e card to him claiming he was a friend of her.

    I was very upset because he has helped her at work a lot while I was left on my own with our baby who was poorly most of the time for a year. He wouldn’t call me or text me, he would be angry if I needed his help or called him to his mobile at work. He is very reluctant to stop this friendship from developing and I can’t do anything as they both work together in the same place. He sais he considers her a colleague but what if she was a friend, he wouldn’t distinguish between male or female friends. He says he loves me and wouldn’t leave me.

    However, I feel he has the time to at least be friendly to her while I deal with the house, the cooking and the children. I have few female friends and no male friends. He says there is nothing wrong with me having male friends or he having female friends. I can’t make him understand that he hurts me by chatting and helping that woman and that I wouldn’t like him to continue intimating with her when he can. I may be wrong, I may be jealous, but I don’t want another woman in his life.

    How can I tell him this without him feeling controlled by me? The more I say I am unhappy about that, the more he defends his right to talk to other women at work and openly sais I have to live with it. Especially I fear that he gets too close to that particular woman, I fear she flirts with him and I fear he will respond somehow sometime in the future. Any comment will be greatly appreciated.

    Like

    • Peacefulwife
      July 3, 2015 at 7:34 am #

      Miriam,

      I can understand why you don’t like this situation. I don’t know any wife who would be excited about her husband having a close female friend. I also think you have already discovered that you can’t control your husband and that the more you try to pressure him away from this relationship, the more he defends it and the more he feels repelled from you.

      I don’t know if you are both believers in Christ?

      But, it sounds to me like you have expressed your displeasure over his relationship quite a bit. I think he knows where you stand. I vote for you to focus on your own walk with Christ and on becoming the woman and wife God desires you to be. As you focus on treating your husband with honor and respect, cooperating with his leadership, and being full of the joy and peace of Christ – that will draw him to you. The more you focus on not liking this woman and his relationship, the more defensive he will feel and the more he will probably tend to side with her against you.

      You don’t have to be happy about this relationship. But even if you are right to be jealous, jealousy doesn’t draw husbands back to their wives. My prayer for you is that you will walk in obedience to Christ for your life – and that He will empower you to be faithful to Himself and to live with no regrets. I pray you will seek to bless your husband and marriage and to become the woman God desires you to be. If anything will draw a husband back to his wife, these things will. But ultimately, you are doing these things for God, not to get a certain response out of your husband.

      He has free will that God does not even override. So you do not have authority to override his free will. He may make decisions that could hurt you. That is a risk in marriage. But the more you respond out of fear or bitterness, the more you will contribute to destroying the relationship. The more you focus on allowing God to transform you to be a godly wife and woman, the more peace you will have and the more attractive you will be to your husband. I hope this makes sense. This doesn’t mean that you are endorsing the relationship. You have already told him over and over again that you do not like that relationship. But when he sees your honor and respect and you stop harping on him about the relationship, then he will have to face his own motives and he won’t feel so pressured by you – and he may be able to discern himself that this is a dangerous path. He needs to be able to see that on his own. If you try to act like his mom – he will probably rebel against you. If you give him freedom, he is more likely to connect the dots and see what he is doing. This is not a guarantee. But he is more likely to stop himself if he doesn’t constantly hear your voice dictating that he needs to stop.

      If you try to force your husband to submit to you – his masculinity will naturally want to bow up against you.

      What do you do to make home a pleasant, friendly, safe, warm, welcoming place?

      You may want to search my home page for:

      – husband flirt
      – fear
      – bitterness
      – control
      – husband idol

      Like

  15. fernandagpowers
    July 3, 2015 at 12:53 pm #

    This is an excellent post. Really drives the point home. I think it is so true that where men have physical strength, women have verbal and emotional strength, and as pointed out, both can be used in sinful and destructive ways. The man who wrote the excerpt you shared makes a great point in that the way our society works (or doesn’t) right now, it’s considered OK for a woman to use her weapon (words/venting) in any way she likes but it’s absolutely not OK for a man to use his weapon (strength) to in any way harm a woman. So… ironically, that ordering of society tells us women that we don’t matter so we might as well just whine all we want. Unfortunately, though, as the author rightly pointed out, this kind of venting is equivalent to being slapped around by a frustrated man. He may feel better; we’re black and blue. Well, I guess we can make our men black and blue on the inside even if we “feel better” for having vented. I honestly never thought of it that way.

    Like

  16. Miriam
    July 23, 2015 at 9:28 am #

    Hi,
    I want to thank you very much for replying to my message. Since then, I have been able to gain the strength to focus on making my home a sanctuary of peace. I have found so much in your answer, so much healing in your words I have been able to move on and work in my character and remember God and Christ as my guide above all. I realise I have to cure my idolatry, jealousy, insecurity, and bitterness in order to give love and joy to my family again. I am also doing the respectful wife dare, and the article about jealousy was particularly helpful in a time I was overwhelmed by jealousy. How abandoned and away from the spirit of God I have been. God bless you for your website.
    I have been trying hard to be a respectful wife and it has worked out a lot. My husband has even told me he is proud of my achievements as he has seen so much improvement in my character. However, every time my husband has something to talk about he will remember bad things about me, happenings that didn’t matter 10 years ago appear to be so painful and important that he has to say how bad it was. It surprises me to hear such things now that I am doing my best to keep peace and rekindle the relationship and love we had. I wouldn’t be able to reply to him in such peaceful way hadn’t I found you in my lonely and painful path. Every time he speaks about how bad things were with me I am able to keep my voice tone low and avoid arguments. In fact he was able to acknowledge that he caused me a lot of pain by neglecting me and verbally mistreating me while his colleague was receiving so much attention and help. He apologised for treating me so badly. He continues to talk to that woman though. But as you have said wisely, my opposing him will only make him side with her. He stated he likes her, he might be trying to find every fault in me in order to justify his behaviour. That is what I think. I don’t know if he will ever stop reminding me how bad I behaved with him. I have apologised to him about so many things I did, but the fountain of bad things still keeps on pouring over me. What is your insight in this respect? I feel so guilty about having caused him so much pain and disrespect. I feel guilty that he has found somebody else to love. He wrote on his dairy he felt excited and anxious, so thankful and terrified, was replacing old feelings with new ones. I cried a lot as I thought he is in love with that woman, even if it is only in his mind. He is obviously not excited about me as he doesn’t even want to look at me. I value your comments very much, and will appreciate your replaying to me.

    Like

    • Peacefulwife
      July 24, 2015 at 8:50 am #

      Miriam,

      WOOHOO! I am so thankful for what God is doing in your life!!! 🙂 That makes my day!

      I would encourage you to keep seeking God with all your heart, mind, and soul – and to be filled up to overflowing with Him. Praise Him every day. Sing to Him. Thank Him. Stay in His Word and in prayer. Ask Him to continue to change you. We will trust Him to convict your husband of his sin. Sometimes, it takes time before this happens. But as you continue to be more and more the woman God calls you to be – the less excuses your husband will have and the more he will have to be confronted with his own sin.

      Is he having an affair now? Or – how much contact is he having with this woman?

      How long has it been since things have been different in your heart?

      Is he a believer in Christ?

      Do y’all have a godly mentoring couple you could talk with?

      Much love to you!

      Like

      • Miriam
        December 14, 2015 at 7:48 am #

        Hello!
        I wanted to give you an update about my situation. I was so heart broken when I wrote to you, and I want to say thank you again for replaying to my concerns. My husband has now moved to that coworker’s department when he saw the opportunity to do so. It means he now sees her every single day all day long. This happened back in September. I can say he was very happy about it.

        I continued to do the respect dare and we did have lots of time together. He became better and better. I thought it was great to see some good changes, but he would say we don’t have the relationship we used to have at the beginning. Even though I have changed a lot, his feedback has been that yes, it is great I am behaving BUT our relationship hasn’t changed much as mostly all is the same. He said can’t be intimate to me over the weekdays because he can’t connect. I know this well because often he doesn’t look at me or ignores what I have to say or he just moves away to the other side of the bed.

        I can’t say he has an affair because I haven’t seen any obvious behavour. He is at home as usual, but he looks worried sometimes. The only thing I find odd is that he is HIGHLY defensive when I ask about what else he thinks that must change so we have a happy relationship. He is overly defensive only when we talk about this. He dreads talking about it. I can see him getting annoyed already at the tone of my voice when I ask what else needs to be changed to have the intimacy I long for for so many years. He will listen to everything else and will spend a nice evening doing something together that is not talking about our relationship problems.

        This makes me think badly of him because I suspect he does have an emotional affair with that woman. Maybe I am sinning but I don’t comprehend why he would be so defensive otherwise when I am so willing to change things. He lied to me about things I know he does. I am falling out of love because of this independently of whether he is happy to chat with that woman or not. He mentions her often with certain emotion in his voice. But I don’t dare to ask him anything about our relationship anymore because I get hurt only by his defensiveness. He sais I am paranoid and suspicious only. He is not Christian and we live alone with our children and far away from family. He wouldn’t let anyone know about our problems. But I don’t dare to ask him anything about our relationship anymore because I get hurt only by his defensiveness. He says I am paranoid and suspicious only. Maybe you have an insight I am missing?

        Like

        • Peacefulwife
          December 14, 2015 at 8:17 am #

          Miriam,

          Sounds like a very painful situation. 😦 I am certainly concerned about the relationship he is having with a woman at work. Is your husband seeking to be open and transparent about any communication with her?

          How is your relationship with Christ going? That is where the healing will need to begin. You can’t change you husband – but God can! First, though, He may want to change you. 🙂

          After you share how you are doing spiritually with God, I would love to point you to some posts that may be healing for you and may help you find God’s direction for you in this storm.

          Much love, my dear sister!

          Like

          • Miriam
            February 1, 2016 at 10:27 am #

            Happy New Year !

            Dear Peaceful wife,

            Thank you so much for your support. I am praying and asking for help from God and his angels. I am relieved I am not alone. I can understand all what has happened has evolved from being so far away from God. I strayed. I think God has a special way to remind us to get closer to our path towards him. God is always there for us but it is amazing how blind and arrogant one can become when things go our way. With the angels’ help I have realised that loving God above all our loved ones on Earth is essential. When I asked for help, and believed there was help around me, I was lead to realise the reasons of my husband’s behavour. It was like if I had been restored my sight and all was in my view for the first time. I didn’t yell at him, I didn’t demand, I just quietly and consciously gave up on him. I realised I cannot demand love from my husband, but I can love him like the Christian person I was raised to be.

            I would like to know what relationship he has had with that woman, whether only work, friendship or more, but I now believe will be lead to the truth when God thinks it appropriate. I therefore don’t get consumed by jealousy, anger and sadness anymore. I feel God is in control, not me. I feel free. A few days ago, my husband had a cold and I cared for him. He spent a few days at home. I then caught his cold. Like magic, from one day to the next, he came back to me. He smiled at me, told me how important I am in his life and that he loves me. I am shocked to see how caring he is now. He has helped in the house without me asking for it. He has been considerate and looks happy. I however feel a bit wary of his behavour. I have seen him coming back to me just to go away from me again quietly. So I don’t know what to expect. However, I am changed too. I don’t cling to him because I need his love. I love him considering the fact he has free will and I am not together with him to command his life. I feel free. Jesus Christ lives in my heart. My husband has changed. I don’t know how or why, he just has!

            When I believed I felt healed. There are still lots of things to change, projects to be followed, but basically your help has been paramount in my journey. From my heart I thank you again and again, for being one of those Angels that God has sent to my life in the middle of my desperation. I shall continue to do my best to be a respectful wife.

            Hugs and Love

            Miriam

            Like

            • Peacefulwife
              February 1, 2016 at 10:44 am #

              Miriam,

              I’m so glad to hear from you and to hear about what God has been doing in your heart, and your husband’s heart. This is beautiful!

              I pray for God’s continued work in both of you and for His healing. I pray for God’s wisdom for you about what has been going on and whether you can trust your husband or not and how to rebuild trust.

              I praise God for you seeing that Jesus is the most important thing, and that when you are close to Him, He can change you in miraculous ways. So glad you are not clinging to your husband and that you are experiencing freedom in Christ. That is amazing!

              Thank you for sharing! 🙂

              Like

  17. Amy
    July 30, 2015 at 10:00 pm #

    Thank you for sharing these writings. A much needed and super clear biblical teaching for wives. Through it the Holy Spirit must be changing my heart and in turn my husband’s heart as we see some fruit already. Praise be to God who gave us Jesus and this hope we have in Him. Also these teachings and principles from the Bible help me bit by bit not idolize my husband (especially emotionally) or fall into victim mode. There is great emotional freedom and peace in following God and loving Him more than even my husband, my life or my children as He tells us to. It’s not easy and there are hang ups but at least I’m understanding what submission really means and why it’s essential! It feels great to obey Him and I feel close to Him when I do that with a prepared and grateful heart. Submission like this is helping me trust The Lord more. What a need. What a joy.

    Thank you again for this ministry.
    Praying for you.

    Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Standing By Your Man When It Matters Most – By Chelsea | Peacefulwife's Blog - February 22, 2014

    […] Submitting Under Protest […]

    Like

  2. How to Avoid Becoming a Controlling/Disrespectful Wife | Peacefulwife's Blog - April 6, 2014

    […] Submitting Under Protest […]

    Like

  3. The Frustrating Quiet Phase | Peacefulwife's Blog - April 11, 2014

    […] Submitting Under Protest […]

    Like

  4. How to Deal With Conflict in Marriage – by Daniel | Peacefulwife's Blog - April 20, 2014

    […] Submitting Under Protest […]

    Like

  5. “Why Should I Have to Submit to My Husband in the Little Things?” – Part 2 | Peacefulwife's Blog - May 12, 2014

    […] Submitting Under Protest […]

    Like

  6. Being Married to a “Command Man” – by Thankfulhusband | Peacefulwife's Blog - May 24, 2014

    […] Submitting Under Protest […]

    Like

  7. My Husband Gets Angry When I Respectfully Disagree with Him | Peacefulwife's Blog - July 28, 2014

    […] Submitting Under Protest […]

    Like

  8. Godly Femininity – Part 2 | Peacefulwife's Blog - October 7, 2014

    […] Submitting Under Protest […]

    Like

  9. “Do I Have the Right to Punish My Husband?” | Peacefulwife's Blog - December 15, 2014

    […] Submitting Under Protest […]

    Like

  10. How society effectively tells us women we don’t matter and how an avowed feminist is changing all that by teaching thousands of women how to properly submit to our husbands | Write Away - July 3, 2015

    […] this blog, there is a powerful post written by a married man about the impact of a wife’s words on her husband’s very soul. […]

    Like

Thanks for joining the discussion. :)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: