This is one of my favorite stories about God’s sovereignty and His ability and power to intervene in our lives and marriages. If you haven’t read it – it is a MUST READ in my view!
SCRIPTURE RELATED TO TODAY’S POST:
Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
Amen. This is what I needed to read first thing this morning. I must stay on this journey. I pray the Holy Spirit will continue to keep me on this path. Thank you always April for your wisdom and the Word of God. Have a blessed day.
Well first of all she talks in the book about how you don’t tell him how to unload the dishwasher. I’ve never told him how to do anything. I’m not sure why I would. However, he tells me almost daily something that I need to do: if you did it this way, it would be better…remember to do it this way…, etc. Now he is always right, his way is always better.. It is just discouraging. I never feel like I am quite good enough.
I would absolutely adore a no control date. In fact he did a date a year ago where I had no idea where we were going and it was awesome. If I don’t know then I don’t have to worry… But when he makes me pick then I feel like I am responsible when he says the food was cold or next time we should do …. But when I say I don’t care, you pick.. He responds with I don’t know, where do you want to go?? and we go round and round…
7 habits of a shrew: only one that applies is the gasping while he is driving one and I’m not sure how to NOT do that one. ( actually I press the break on my side…)
Now, this is where I wonder about her advice. She talks about not doing something that would sacrifice your emotional well being and she uses this example: “If yo ur husband thinks you should be a full time mom and you know it would drive you mad to be home all the time, then don’t do that either.” I am going mad because I am not interacting with people. When I asked him what to do he suggested more things to do at the house alone…. Right now I only see people on Wednesdays and Sunday mornings. I am having a Bible study with one lady a couple of times a month for an hour. But I am an extrovert and bored out of my mind.
I’m going to do her self care activity to list things you like and try to do 3 of them. Now this is where I really wonder: “When it comes to self-care, never ask for permission to do something. Simply announce what your plans are…”
That is a good start. I’ll post other questions later if that is ok.
Elizabeth,
You are not a controlling wife and haven’t been super disrespectful like a lot of us – so I am sure that much of the advice doesn’t really apply to you!
But yes, she doesn’t advocate biblical submission at all – that is where we do need to very cautiously weigh her words against Scripture!
I think that it is ok for you to say, “I need more interaction with people. I want to do X.” or just “I think I would really enjoy X. I would like to start doing that this week/next week.” And see what your hubby says. 🙂
The self care is a great idea. We are responsible for our own self care. But – I also don’t agree with not asking for permission for some things. Some things it would be rude of us just to take off and not even check with our husbands, in my view!
Yeah, I’m trying to figure out exactly what that x would be. I’m just horribly bored at the present time. But with all of my responsibilities shuttling my daughter places and taking care of things my husband assigns me and supervising her and my son’s school, it is hard for me to figure out what that would be..
Elizabeth, I am currently reading the surrendered wife as well & I realized just by reading the introduction that I would have to use a lot of discernment in pulling out the wisdom God wants me to attain from it.
Beth,
Yes! I definitely had to discard a number of ideas from that book.
That is one reason I wanted to write this blog. The Christian books I found, didn’t have many practical examples. And the non Christian books had some unbiblical ideas. I was constantly having to pull a few things from this resource and a few from another and put it all together. It was tedious!!!
April, I am so thankful for your blog & the wealth of knowledge & practical applications I have learned from you! This blog is definitely making my transformation from prideful, controlling, self righteous wife to biblically submissive respectful wife much easier. God has really blessed me by leading me to your site…in His infinite wisdom He knew I needed the steps & instructions on how to change laid out in black & white!
Beth,
WOOHOO! What a major answer to my prayers. I praise God for you and all that He is doing in your life. Thank you so much for sharing! It has been my dream, my hope, my greatest desire – to put the dots closer together for the women who come behind me than they were for me in the beginning of my journey.
I can’t wait to see all that God has planned for you!
Wow… this is a great story. So encouraging with lots of insight. I thought I had read this one before, but now I think I must have missed it. Thanks for sharing it again!
I really liked when she pointed out that she had to blindly trust God through it. That is so hard yet so important.
Just last night I was struggling with the idea of trusting God even if I can’t trust my husband. I’m not saying he’s being untrustworthy, but sometimes I have those fears. But either way, I need to put my trust in God no matter what.
Just wanted to stop by again, since this was re-posted today. I am the one who experienced this last year, and rereading it, I am amazed to see what I was thinking then. (It feels like a lifetime ago, but I see how God had me on track even then.) I feel like I am still learning a lot, but it’s also a blessing that I could look back on this and see how much God has done for me in this situation and through many, many others since then.
I am so grateful to anyone this has inspired, because that is so God. I have had to have A LOT of blind faith in my marriage, and I just want to encourage any of you who are in marriages that look so bleak and you are waiting for a long time – maybe years – don’t give up! I have waited 7 years to see some things come through, but they have. God is faithful and we have to keep trying every day to do things His way. Don’t give up trying to be the wife God is calling you to be, even if it’s terrible and you can’t understand what is happening around you. God will act in His timing.
If anyone out there is hurting a lot with this type of situation or anything related to dealing with a husband that is partying a lot or just really unavailable, I would be happy to shed any insight God has given me in these comments here or feel free to e-mail me at makemypathstraight@yahoo.com. I have walked through so much of this almost entirely alone, so I understand how some may need a listening ear.
God bless you all, and thank you April for sharing my story! 🙂
Thanks for sharing your story, makemypathstraight. 🙂
It blessed me. I could imagine the cringing that was happening inside your heart and spirit while his Vegas trip was still about to push through… I could imagine the difficulty in letting go and letting God, but you still did it anyway, with “blind faith” as you said.
And seeing how it turned out, wow, that is truly a God Thing. 🙂
Thank you SO MUCH for your testimony! It is so much better than ‘a V8’. there are men going thru painful situations as well. You have encouraged my soul. I keep getting ‘Job type advice’ from my family. I am currently separated (after less than a year of marriage – IT HURTS SO MUCH). Peacefulwife and Respectedhusband are much needed ministries! It ‘seems’ like women have had to deal w/ marriage issues more than men Or maybe we men have been hiding too long. Pride is an unwanted vice.
I’m just starting to have some of those issues with my spouse. It’s like he’s testing the waters or something to see what will make me crack. Nevermind how it makes me feel. I still don’t think he’s a bad guy, just confused and insecure. Thank you for this encouraging post. It reminds me to not grow weary in doing good.
I think ‘surrendered wife’ is a great tool but must be balanced with the other books on the list. It takes time and discernment to know what to apply in what way to one’s own marriage. When I read that book several years ago, I can honestly say that it saved my marriage. Following many of the suggestions made my husband feel like quite the rooster. But it wasn’t enough. I needed further instruction on how to deal with my own sinful motives, how to give grace when he sins against me (and doesn’t care how I feel about it), provide cooperative support with the finances and offer my influence to increase his respect for me. My husband also doesn’t do well under pressure and I didn’t realize how much I was setting him up for failure by pulling back on all of my help. He is the first in who knows how many generations to honestly work towards building a spiritual foundation for his family, be an active and present father, a faithful husband, acquire a degree and gain respect in his field. He desires to invest and care for aging parents. This thing called Biblical submission is an art form that requires study, practice of various skills and nothing short of the Holy Spirit to build a marriage that glorifies God.
Refined,
I absolutely agree that the Surrendered Wife is extremely helpful – but definitely needs a lot of balance with Scripture and with godly books about marriage and walking closely with Christ.
Two books I would highly recommend would be:
The Excellent Wife by Martha Pearce
Grace Filled Marriage by Dr. Tim Keller
YES! Godly femininity, respect, biblical submission, a peaceful, gentle spirit, etc… are an art form that requires great study, practice, prayer, and the power of God’s Spirit. Amen!!!!!!!!! 🙂
The Peaceful Wife 
Amen. This is what I needed to read first thing this morning. I must stay on this journey. I pray the Holy Spirit will continue to keep me on this path. Thank you always April for your wisdom and the Word of God. Have a blessed day.
LikeLike
Sonyarosser,
You are most welcome. I love this story! It is one of my favorites. 🙂
LikeLike
I am currently reading The Surrendered Wife. A lot doesn’t apply, but some does. Is there anyone who would want to discuss it with me?
LikeLike
Elizabeth,
There are some things in that book that are not biblical – so do use great caution about that!
What would you like to discuss? 🙂
LikeLike
Well first of all she talks in the book about how you don’t tell him how to unload the dishwasher. I’ve never told him how to do anything. I’m not sure why I would. However, he tells me almost daily something that I need to do: if you did it this way, it would be better…remember to do it this way…, etc. Now he is always right, his way is always better.. It is just discouraging. I never feel like I am quite good enough.
I would absolutely adore a no control date. In fact he did a date a year ago where I had no idea where we were going and it was awesome. If I don’t know then I don’t have to worry… But when he makes me pick then I feel like I am responsible when he says the food was cold or next time we should do …. But when I say I don’t care, you pick.. He responds with I don’t know, where do you want to go?? and we go round and round…
7 habits of a shrew: only one that applies is the gasping while he is driving one and I’m not sure how to NOT do that one. ( actually I press the break on my side…)
Now, this is where I wonder about her advice. She talks about not doing something that would sacrifice your emotional well being and she uses this example: “If yo ur husband thinks you should be a full time mom and you know it would drive you mad to be home all the time, then don’t do that either.” I am going mad because I am not interacting with people. When I asked him what to do he suggested more things to do at the house alone…. Right now I only see people on Wednesdays and Sunday mornings. I am having a Bible study with one lady a couple of times a month for an hour. But I am an extrovert and bored out of my mind.
I’m going to do her self care activity to list things you like and try to do 3 of them. Now this is where I really wonder: “When it comes to self-care, never ask for permission to do something. Simply announce what your plans are…”
That is a good start. I’ll post other questions later if that is ok.
LikeLike
Elizabeth,
You are not a controlling wife and haven’t been super disrespectful like a lot of us – so I am sure that much of the advice doesn’t really apply to you!
But yes, she doesn’t advocate biblical submission at all – that is where we do need to very cautiously weigh her words against Scripture!
I think that it is ok for you to say, “I need more interaction with people. I want to do X.” or just “I think I would really enjoy X. I would like to start doing that this week/next week.” And see what your hubby says. 🙂
The self care is a great idea. We are responsible for our own self care. But – I also don’t agree with not asking for permission for some things. Some things it would be rude of us just to take off and not even check with our husbands, in my view!
LikeLike
Yeah, I’m trying to figure out exactly what that x would be. I’m just horribly bored at the present time. But with all of my responsibilities shuttling my daughter places and taking care of things my husband assigns me and supervising her and my son’s school, it is hard for me to figure out what that would be..
LikeLike
Elizabeth, I am currently reading the surrendered wife as well & I realized just by reading the introduction that I would have to use a lot of discernment in pulling out the wisdom God wants me to attain from it.
LikeLike
Beth,
Yes! I definitely had to discard a number of ideas from that book.
That is one reason I wanted to write this blog. The Christian books I found, didn’t have many practical examples. And the non Christian books had some unbiblical ideas. I was constantly having to pull a few things from this resource and a few from another and put it all together. It was tedious!!!
You are welcome to share anything you would like!
LikeLike
April, I am so thankful for your blog & the wealth of knowledge & practical applications I have learned from you! This blog is definitely making my transformation from prideful, controlling, self righteous wife to biblically submissive respectful wife much easier. God has really blessed me by leading me to your site…in His infinite wisdom He knew I needed the steps & instructions on how to change laid out in black & white!
LikeLike
Beth,
WOOHOO! What a major answer to my prayers. I praise God for you and all that He is doing in your life. Thank you so much for sharing! It has been my dream, my hope, my greatest desire – to put the dots closer together for the women who come behind me than they were for me in the beginning of my journey.
I can’t wait to see all that God has planned for you!
LikeLike
Wow… this is a great story. So encouraging with lots of insight. I thought I had read this one before, but now I think I must have missed it. Thanks for sharing it again!
I really liked when she pointed out that she had to blindly trust God through it. That is so hard yet so important.
Just last night I was struggling with the idea of trusting God even if I can’t trust my husband. I’m not saying he’s being untrustworthy, but sometimes I have those fears. But either way, I need to put my trust in God no matter what.
LikeLike
Just wanted to stop by again, since this was re-posted today. I am the one who experienced this last year, and rereading it, I am amazed to see what I was thinking then. (It feels like a lifetime ago, but I see how God had me on track even then.) I feel like I am still learning a lot, but it’s also a blessing that I could look back on this and see how much God has done for me in this situation and through many, many others since then.
I am so grateful to anyone this has inspired, because that is so God. I have had to have A LOT of blind faith in my marriage, and I just want to encourage any of you who are in marriages that look so bleak and you are waiting for a long time – maybe years – don’t give up! I have waited 7 years to see some things come through, but they have. God is faithful and we have to keep trying every day to do things His way. Don’t give up trying to be the wife God is calling you to be, even if it’s terrible and you can’t understand what is happening around you. God will act in His timing.
If anyone out there is hurting a lot with this type of situation or anything related to dealing with a husband that is partying a lot or just really unavailable, I would be happy to shed any insight God has given me in these comments here or feel free to e-mail me at makemypathstraight@yahoo.com. I have walked through so much of this almost entirely alone, so I understand how some may need a listening ear.
God bless you all, and thank you April for sharing my story! 🙂
LikeLike
makemypathstraight,
Aww! Thank you so much for sharing with the ladies! I appreciate your willingness to make yourself available.
Maybe, when you are ready, you can write a followup post to give us an update. I can’t wait to hear all that God has been doing in your life! 🙂
Much love,
April
LikeLike
Thanks for sharing your story, makemypathstraight. 🙂
It blessed me. I could imagine the cringing that was happening inside your heart and spirit while his Vegas trip was still about to push through… I could imagine the difficulty in letting go and letting God, but you still did it anyway, with “blind faith” as you said.
And seeing how it turned out, wow, that is truly a God Thing. 🙂
How did your trip go, by the way? 😉
Thanks for this story. 🙂
Love,
NIkka
LikeLike
Thank you SO MUCH for your testimony! It is so much better than ‘a V8’. there are men going thru painful situations as well. You have encouraged my soul. I keep getting ‘Job type advice’ from my family. I am currently separated (after less than a year of marriage – IT HURTS SO MUCH). Peacefulwife and Respectedhusband are much needed ministries! It ‘seems’ like women have had to deal w/ marriage issues more than men Or maybe we men have been hiding too long. Pride is an unwanted vice.
LikeLike
I’m just starting to have some of those issues with my spouse. It’s like he’s testing the waters or something to see what will make me crack. Nevermind how it makes me feel. I still don’t think he’s a bad guy, just confused and insecure. Thank you for this encouraging post. It reminds me to not grow weary in doing good.
I think ‘surrendered wife’ is a great tool but must be balanced with the other books on the list. It takes time and discernment to know what to apply in what way to one’s own marriage. When I read that book several years ago, I can honestly say that it saved my marriage. Following many of the suggestions made my husband feel like quite the rooster. But it wasn’t enough. I needed further instruction on how to deal with my own sinful motives, how to give grace when he sins against me (and doesn’t care how I feel about it), provide cooperative support with the finances and offer my influence to increase his respect for me. My husband also doesn’t do well under pressure and I didn’t realize how much I was setting him up for failure by pulling back on all of my help. He is the first in who knows how many generations to honestly work towards building a spiritual foundation for his family, be an active and present father, a faithful husband, acquire a degree and gain respect in his field. He desires to invest and care for aging parents. This thing called Biblical submission is an art form that requires study, practice of various skills and nothing short of the Holy Spirit to build a marriage that glorifies God.
LikeLike
Refined,
I absolutely agree that the Surrendered Wife is extremely helpful – but definitely needs a lot of balance with Scripture and with godly books about marriage and walking closely with Christ.
Two books I would highly recommend would be:
The Excellent Wife by Martha Pearce
Grace Filled Marriage by Dr. Tim Keller
YES! Godly femininity, respect, biblical submission, a peaceful, gentle spirit, etc… are an art form that requires great study, practice, prayer, and the power of God’s Spirit. Amen!!!!!!!!! 🙂
LikeLike